Going on a Little Vacation...

So, yes, I am aware that this is suppose to be a weight loss blog and as always there is a way that weight loss plays a roll in this post. It is one of the main reasons I use food to cope. I have very high anxiety and panic attacks. I chose not to medicate myself because I know it is all in my head and I just need to get over it. This has worked until recently. Since I was pregnant with Cole it has gotten worse. And not it is in full swing again...

When I say I am going on vacation, it no way implies that I will be flying, taking a boat, a train, etc. It normally means if I can't drive there I am not going. This has probably kept me from seeing so many beautiful places but I am too terrified to do any of those things. I won't fly cause I don't want to crash. I won't go on many boats because if it sinks I can't swim. And I know you can tell me that there are more car crashes than plane crashes and I get that but there is one main thing that separates that in my head. I am in control of a car and I am letting someone else have the control on a plane. If I was to get in an accident it is my fault. On a plane someone else is to blame. It may not make any sense to you but it makes perfect sense to me.

So why am I writing about this now? Because in a few hours John and I are off for the weekend. Just a small mini trip to Orlando. We will be back on Sunday. Easy, right? This should be fun? I know it will be once I get there but at the moment I am terrified and have been in tears off and on all day. First off I don't want to leave Cole. He will be with my mom and will be perfectly fine but my mind is telling me otherwise.

• Something may happen to him and I won't be there
• Something could happen to me
• I could die on a ride at Epcot
• There could be a car accident
• What if someone was to go crazy and start hurting people where I am at
• a fire at the hotel
• Something happens to my mom

The list could truly go on but I just want to show you a glimpse of what goes on in my head at times. Today for once I haven't eaten much cause it is so bad. But then I have to tell myself

• Is this how you want to live your life
• When it's your time to go...it's your time and there is nothing you can do to stop it
• As soon as you get going you will be fine

Luckily saying those three things to myself help me. So why am I telling you this? I was hoping that in some way venting about it would make me feel a little better and it has. Granted, I am still not going to get on a plane, if ever. And I still don't want to leave my baby, that's just a mommy thing. And at the end of the day I know all my kids know how much I love them!


So now it is time for me to pack and enjoy myself! I will let you know how good or bad I do on eating when I get back.