Hey Chics! So I know that I haven't been blogging and maybe I should be because I have just not been in the best place emotionally. My eating has gone to hell, I sit in my pj's all day long watching T.V. and playing with Cole, and housework I could care less about.I have just been letting it all go, including myself. So yea, I guess you could say that I am pretty damn depressed!
We found out about a week ago that the home we have been renting is being foreclosed on that just sucks. No I have not been happy with the space in the house but I though that I would have more time to find exactly what we needed and once again we got thrown into finding something that will work. And we did. The house is bigger but the land is smaller and I can see my neighbors. I just have an uneasy feeling about the whole thing. We move in on the 10th of next month and if in the end we love the place then we can buy it. I don't know it might just be my anxiety talking and I really hope that is all it is. So I am about to start packing all over again! I am so damn sick of packing! I want to buy a house! I feel bad I have to keep moving my kids from home to home. So my goal is by the time I am 35 we WILL own our own home.
So my eating sucks. Yup I said it! Why can't I get it in gear! I hate looking like this, feeling like this, but why can't I snap out of it! Am I really that addicted? I feel like it. I know it is all in my head but I just don't know how to snap out of it and get it in gear. If I don't I'm never gonna get in my wedding dresses! Cause I don't right now. Oh and yes I have 2 dresses and I know that was suppose to be my next post but I will write about it next time.
I think I am just stuck right now. Sometimes I feel like I am losing myself again. Like today I went with the girls to get our nails done for my sisters wedding on Sunday. I truly forgot how much I liked doing that. Taking time out for me is something I just don't do. I need to. I almost feel bad for wanting to take time out for me but I am just seeing that I need to. I want to feel pretty and yup sometimes doing something as small as that makes me feel pretty. I use to feel so good about myself and now it has all just gone away. I want to not feel so self conscious and it is just getting worse.
Ok I am done for the night. It is time for bed!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
Hey there chics! I am so happy today! Happier than a pig in mid kinda happy! This working out is paying off rather well I must say! Oh, and Happy Belated Valentine's Day! I hope everyone had a great one! I know that I did. But I am going to write about that tomorrow because that is just meant for a totally different blog!
Ok, so here it is! I am down another size! I haven't done laundry in a few days. Moms, you know how that is. You think to yourself...self, you can do the laundry tomorrow and then you look the next day and there is 20 loads to do. So anyway, I went to the back of the closet, you know the place all the clothes hide that you wish you could get into. So there they are a pair of my Wranglers, size 11/12. I think the last time I could get into them was a couple months before I found out I was pregnant. I said "what the hell" and decided to give them a try. So I started putting them on and up the thighs they went! Holy cow! I got them to my wait and just waited a second because I figured that I got them this far and now I would have to wait another 5 more lbs. Then I buttoned them! No squats of laying on the bed to suck it in required! Talk about the best feeling in the world! Now I will not say they fir perfectly, there is a small muffin top going on but I am so proud of this progress.
With that short story being said, this is why I do not just go by what the scale says. That is an overall number. Your scale doesn't tell you what part of you is getting smaller. But your clothes do and let me tell you fitting in something you never thought you would get into again is way better than a number on a scale!
Has anyone made one of those charts and put in on their fridge? If so have you gotten to check off some boxes? I have gotten to check a total of 3 off so far and when I hit a total of ten then mama is getting a jean skirt!
See you tomorrow when I talk about my Valentines Day!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
Hey Chics! I got to check off another box! Oh now wait...I mean I got to check off another 2 boxes! I am so happy and it feels so good to step on the scale and then run to my chart and check off a box! I feel like I am getting to my goal! It really is obtainable! Even in the craziest of times!
So yesterday we got the news from the land lords that our house will be foreclosed on. It isn't happening right this second but it is very real and we have to find a new house. So now I have focused all of my time and energy into that. It is frustrating! So far what we need is going to be about $1400! That is $600 more than we are paying now. I just need to take a deep breath and remind myself that it all works out in the end. Right mom? :)
So, tomorrow is Valentine's Day! Woo Hoo! It is going to be another day with a little something special for John and the kids. Then I also have to take one of my kids to a counselor for the first time tomorrow. I went to one when I was a little older than she is now. She is worried about talking to a stranger and I had to tell her that it is way easier to talk to a stranger!
Well I really hate to cut this short but I am not feeling to hot tonight!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
Hey Chics! I thought that I had a post ready to post tonight but then it looks like it has been taken over by a lot of emotion all of a sudden. So as everyone has already heard Whitney Houston has passed away. She is too young and it was way to soon. I remember listening to her all through school. One of my friends posted a song of hers tonight on their facebook page and it was "I Will Always Love You." I am sure everyone else is familiar with the song and if not look it up because it is great. So that must mean I listened to it, right? No chance in hell! I didn't even have to listen to it. Just the thought of that song brings me back to a time I would rather forget but yet I can replay it in my mind like it was yesterday. It was my best friends funeral. Once again a life that was lost way too soon.
There will always be some losses in life that you can never get over. You think you have put them to rest and then the smallest thing will bring them right back in front of your face. Like yesterday, I was looking on Ebay for some brooches for my bouquet for the wedding. It still pains me to know she won't be there. This is the girl that I always talked about being in each others wedding and having kids at the same time and what we would name them. All of a sudden I come to this rose that looks exactly like a glass rose I gave her a long time ago. I ended up with the rose she had but it is broken. So when I saw this brooch it all came back to me and now I am of course trying to win it. There isn't a day that goes by that I still don't think about her. Almost 20 years later and I can remember it like it was yesterday. And although I know she is always looking down on me and I am sure wanting to smack me around (a lot).
Ok now onto a much happier subject! I FINALLY got to check my 1st box off on my chart this morning! Woo Hoo! That is the best feeling in the world! Now that I have figured out how to get the exercising done it is time for the eating. This for me will be the hardest part! But I can do it!
Tomorrow I am going to go and get some chicken that I can cook for myself at night so I am eating what I should eat. Oh and I am going to go buy lots and lots of veggies! I love veggies! But I love my potatoes too!
I am sorry if this post was a little sad but I had to get it out rather than reach for the red velvet cake!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
Hey chics! There was no posting yesterday because my life took a turn with my family that I did not think it was going to go. I know that when you are going through your tweens and getting into your teens you will be changing inside as well and there will be rebelling but this is crazy! I will not go into detail about my family when it comes to one specific person. I will however say that we are going to be getting the help we all need. It will start with the person who needs to let the most go 1st and then in the end I want to see us as a family. By the time John and I get married I want us to come together as a family not just a husband and wife.
I did not exercise last night and I will not be tonight either. It is not because of the schedule at all. Because of the stress for yesterday and today my bp has been extremely high and I have had some mild anxiety attacks and if you have ever had one it can just wipe your body for a day or so. I am trying to get fit but I am also not going to overdue it when I know I am weak. And no, I have still not checked off a damn box! lol
So, in my last post I said I wanted to talk about something else that has hit close to home. Because of my high blood pressure and the stress I have gone through a lot I know I have stated on here before that I am waiting to just have a stroke. Well a couple of days ago I find out my friend is in the hospital. No they did not have a stroke but it was from blood pressure and chest pains. Someone who I have known for many years and you never think to yourself that it would happen to people and then it does. I will say that it is another thing that just opened my eyes. I am glad they are ok and that is all that matters.
I think that will be it for the night. I have tons more to say but no energy to keep going!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
Hey Chics! So this was my first day of trying this new schedule and I must say that I love it! Here is it 8:00 and I am already blogging. Sure I have to straighten the living room before I can exercise but I can't exercise till 9:30 anyway! Laundry is going, kitchen is clean, Cole is laying down with John, and I am still getting things accomplished!
Now I can say eating was so-so today. If I am home and I see that chart I am good but since I was gone all day I didn't see it and I ate badly. So now I am going to make it the wallpaper to my phone. I am happy to say thought I drank more water than anything! I want to cross off one of those weight boxes off so bad! I was down a 1/2lb this morning so I hope I lose that other 1/2 tonight so I can say bye bye to a box! Who knew a little piece of paper could hold so much power lol.
On to another subject that I was not really talked to much about...until now! The wedding. If you have been hiding under a rock or are new to this post I am getting married in November of this year. Yup, I am the girl who said she would never do it again, doing it again! Go figure. Everything is pretty much going as planned. Only complaints so far is out 75-100 guests has reached 156 invites and even though I know not everyone will show up that is a little scary. Then again my last wedding almost no one came so this will be better. My other complaint is a little harder to talk about but I have to get it out.
I have a problem with making others happy and not myself and I am scared that I have done it yet again. When I saw myself walking down the aisle again I though that it was going to be in all lace. So I went with my mom, Dakota, and Shae to pick out a wedding dress. There I am trying on all these dresses with all these skinny minis around me and I was getting so upset. Every dress was making me feel like a cupcake. All these little things were trying on the lace dresses I wanted. So after trying on about 10 dresses Dakota and Shae went a picked out one and it was so different I had to try it on. So I did and everyone loved it and so did I...or so I thought. My mom got me the dress because it was discontinued and I was so happy. Now looking back though I am 2nd guessing myself. I am not sure that I loved it because I wanted it or because I was trying to make everyone happy and get out of there so I didn't have to watch one more skinny person try on another dress. I didn't glow or have that moment at all. I never even got to try a lace dress on. Did I settle? Or am I just 2nd guessing myself for no reason? I am so confused! The reason this makes me feel so bad is that #1 my mom helped me pay for my dress and #2 my daughter and future stepdaughter picked it out for me and that made it special too.
I am not sure what my plan is yet but I am not dismissing the dress at all I want to lose more weight and go from there. I want to see what it looks like once I am thinner and I also will go and try on a lace dress just to either put my mind at ease or know I made the wrong choice. So I figure I will post a pic of me in my dress and you can let me know what you think about it...honestly!
Ok I need to clean now and then off to exercise. Tomorrow I am going to talk about a health scare that hit really close to home.
xoxoxo,
Kelly
Hey Chics! Yes I know it has been a few weeks with a lot of ups and downs and I am learning that I have to tweak a lot of things I want to do because I just can't do it all even though I think I can. I also can't do things when I want to, sometimes I will just have to work around things so that is exactly what I will do.
I wanted to work out during Cole's naps and blog at night. Then I soon realized that I was never going to be sure how long Cole will sleep and it always seems like as soon as I would start he would wake up and then by night time I could care less. So then at night I would have all the house work to do and no time to blog. So how was I going to fix it? Yup, you guessed it...the light bulb came on! During the day I am only going to do 2 things with my time do my "womanly" duties and be a mom. That way by the time Cole goes to sleep the chores will be done and then I will have my time to focus on me. If he goes to bed before 9:30 then that gives me time to blog until Dustin goes to sleep. Then it is exercise time! I am going to do that tonight but kinda got a late start so I am going to exercise at 10. I am good as long as I am in bed by 11.
My eating has been so-so. I reach for more veggies than I use to I am seeing that I want water more and more. But I am back up to 189 as of this morning. I want to have more of a focal point to look at when I go to raid the fridge. I was watching some 600lb show on TLC (I can't remember the full name) and this girl made a chart and put it on her fridge and it is a count down of pounds and every time she lost a pound she would cross it off. To me I would rather cross off another pound then grab something to add one. I figured I would show you my little chart...
Now onto the title of my blog. I finally wore a dress! At the time I wore it I think I was weighing in at about 183. John and I were finally able to go out and I truly don't remember the last time I felt pretty. I bought the dress because we were shopping for dresses for my sisters wedding and I tried it on and loved it but she didn't so I knew I could wear it. Oh and it has pockets! So I put it on with my boots and didn't even look in the mirror past my boobs cause those girls looked awesome! I didn't want to. I didn't want to pick myself apart. I just wanted to feel pretty and I did. And then when I saw the look on John's face he just reassured me that I was. Now after I saw the pic of myself that night I wasn't too happy. I thought I looked better but I still felt pretty and I didn't care if people liked what they saw or not. Since then I have been feeling a little more beautiful again each day.
Well it is about that time to exercise so I will leave you with the thought that no matter how big we may be we can still be pretty and sexy chics!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
