Hey Chics! Wow it has been awhile and to be honest I am not proud of myself in the least. I constantly feel that I have let myself down as well as anyone who reads this blog and has been in my corner because I continue to fail time and time again. I have no excuse except I just can't seem to "get it!" When the hell is it going to finally "click?"
This past week has just been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I have been so depressed that the only time I am happy is if I am with Cole cuddling in bed. With him I am safe because I am his mommy and he loves me know matter how I look or what I weigh. He is my happy place. When I put clothes on I have no shape...just round. I use to have this thick hour glass shape that I loved and I don't see it at all anymore. When I put any bottoms on the flap over because my belly has gotten to big but I refuse to buy more and in a bigger size. How the hell am I going to get in either of those dresses! I thought our wedding would be enough motivation and I will have to say for once, I was wrong. Yeah, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now.
I have a huge issue with food right now. I see I am highly addicted. The beginning of this week I tried to just cut out the soda. Baby steps, right? The first day was no problem and I thought to myself, "I got this!" Then, the second day hit and I was so pissy and then we got to the store and I saw that wonderful soda fountain! Let's face it for me a fountain soda is pure heaven! And it can't be the ones where there are like 4 flavors to 1 fountain it has to have its own fountain and it has to be a sprite. As soon as I got in the car and took a sip of that soda I was as happy as a hog in mud. That is then the siren went off in my head that I really am addicted to food and soda and if I don't have it then here comes "Bitchy Kelly." I never truly thought I would become fully addicted this badly to something, and yet, I was wrong again. Holy crap! I admitted I was wrong 2 times in one blog!
I have also begun to feel the green monster coming out in me. I am so jealous of people right now. My friends I am seeing lose the weight and they are looking hot! I am so proud of them and hope they continue the great work. I just wonder why the hell I can't do it! Then I am jealous of the people who get to go get their nails and hair done. I know that I can go and do those things (damn if I know when I have free time lol) but I don't feel pretty so what is the point? I am the mom in the jeans with the hair not done and maybe some makeup on. I am 31 but I feel so much older. My life is dedicated to this family, house, and business. I have even left my blog behind and I hate doing that. I am either with Cole, doing prints, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, taking the kids where they need to go. Oh, and my favorite...doing a print with Cole on my hip, and I am doing chores in between lol. I love my life don't get me wrong...just lately I don't love me very much.
I have someone in my life who loves me know matter what and thinks I am beautiful and doesn't understand 100% what is going on with me. But that is ok he is a guy so I don't really expect him too lol. All I can tell him is as much as he tells me that and as much as I do love hearing him say that, if I am not happy with me then I'm gonna feel this way.
Alrighty, I think that I have gone on long enough. I hope I find the light to get me back on track and to quit feeling so damn unpretty!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
