Coming to Terms...

Hey Chics!

So I skipped a week blogging. It wasn't that I wanted to. I did. I love this blog. Even if only one person reads it that is a win to me. If no one was to read it at least I know I am healing myself in one of the best ways I know how...writing. You could give me any topic and I could write a novel...opps there I go getting of the topic at hand.

Two weeks ago I began to focus and put everything in to getting back in shape and being healthy. There was one thing I was not ready for...my

[I wrote this whole blog last night when to save it and my computer froze and the only thing that auto saved is what you see above. It was so late I was not about to re write it  and the more I sat on it the more I realized that I am glad that it was not saved. I think I may have went into far into detail about this blog and with some of the people that I know read it from time to time although it may be healing for me it may hurt them. So this is the best of both worlds I was able to heal because I did get to write it all out and now I can write it again for others. Ok back to the blog...]

The thing I was not prepared for was the emotions that were going to come up because I was no longer pushing memories back down with food. Now between the exercise and the eating better I was pretty much vomiting emotions. I was mean, happy, scared, and sad all rolled up in to one. And once again I panicked and could not take these feelings so my diet and exercise has not been great so I decided to write this blog to get this out I can no longer keep pushing these things down. They can no longer define me.

I have 2 defining moments in my life that have affected my weight. There is one I have talked about many times on here and last year I have come to terms with this subject and know that this was not my fault and it is the death of my best friend. If you would like to read more on that subject just scroll to the other blogs.

The second thing happened not long after I got out of high school. I was raped. It was by a friend at a party. Looking back this was not the first time he had tried. I now look back and see I was drugged by this person once before but my friends were around me so he failed. On this particular night he did not. Before last night I would always say I was taken advantage of. I would not just be blunt with myself. I do not think I could come to terms with it. I never did anything about it because it took me some time to put the pieces together because I was drugged. It is also nice to know he is in jail for a very very very long time for other things. But karma is a bitch and he got his.

Last night I went to take a shower and I looked in the mirror and told myself that yes this happened to me but it does not define me and I am worth so much more than to let that bring me down. Now it is time to move on. I will not say that everything is now just fine. It isn't there are things that will trigger ,e a certain smell, a touch, you never know but it is a process just like any thing else.

As you all know I am pretty much an open book but then again maybe there is a point where I was too open and I am glad I had a chance to share the parts of my story that matter the most...

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Foolish Girl...

Hey Chics!

Well I decided to write my blog a day early because the thoughts are going through my head from this past week so I am ready to get them out and for your reading enjoyment.

This week was a roller coaster from hell. And to be honest with you I gave in...but now I need to back up a bit and tell you about my week.

So there is was Monday morning I stepped on the scale and I was out of the 200's! It was an awesome feeling. Maybe it was only by 1/2 a pound but I still felt a sense of freedom from that 1/2 pound. I was still eating good and taking care of myself. Tuesday and Wednesday were awesome and I was still living on cloud nine!

Then Thursday hit and my husband went to the store and came home with a surprise for all of us which I was so happy about that he thought of the kids and me (he is pretty thoughtful by the way). I saw this adorable little stuffed bear with a heart and then, there it was...beneath the bear was a bag of snack size Pay Day bars and to the side of it was a Sprite. I was kinda in shock to be perfectly honest. Then I did it, I ate the candy. I think I had 3 that night. I tried the Sprite too but I did realize that soda to me, is well just plain nasty now.

Friday, oh goodness I am not sure if I want to go there. I finished that bag of Pay Day bars (now I did not eat that whole bag myself but I ate at least 1/2 of it. I went to pick up my daughters boyfriend and as soon as my hubby came home he brought with him some banana Twinkies. You guessed it, I ate some.

That night I sat in the bathroom feeling sick to my stomach and ready to cry. Then it hit me when I stepped on the scale (FYI you may see a weigh in once a week but I personally weigh myself once a day) and saw 200lbs. I was devastated.  Saturday morning I saw the SAME thing. At that moment it took me back to my ex-husband. When I lost a lot of weight after we had my middle son he began to sabotage me. It was really bad, I personally do not want to go into much detail. He would call me ugly names, bring in food that I love but shouldn't eat, and the list could go on. For that moment I wondered...is this happening again?

So Saturday I was just drowning in this emotion. We ended up at Sonic where I had a corn dog, some onion rings, and a cherry limeade (once again couldn't drink it). The hubby and we began to have a conversation that was pretty deep about other things and I thought in my head...this is it. I have to ask because this is just eating me alive...and I was going to eat myself to death.

I asked him if that was his intention, nicely I will add. He looked stunned and could not help but wonder why I would even ask that because he loves me and would not want to do that. He put it into a perspective that I had not even thought of. He wanted to bring me home something to show me he loved me. This is the kind of stuff we always give each other. Personally, we do not know much different. He also let me know he was sorry. I was also because I went back in a dark place and assumed too much.

It shows me that when you decide to change you can not expect everyone to know exactly what is going on. It also takes time for everyone to change and old habits are hard to break. The other thing is if I would not have gotten so wrapped up in these emotions I could have even told him thank you but I just can't have that anymore. But I let me emotions get the best of me and in the end I sabotaged myself a little.

Oh and P.S. my toddler was just trying me this WHOLE weekend and I know I emotionally ate because of that too. Ladies our kids can make us pull our hair out I don't want them to make me pick up the doughnut too.

If you have not Liked my Facebook page now is the time. On Monday the 3rd we will be having a contest for some beautiful Premier Jewelry. All you have to do is get moving! Check out the details ay www.facebook.com/byebyechunkychic.com.

Have a Great Week!
xoxoxo,
Kelly

Needing to Finish What I Start!

Hey everyone!!!

Before I get into the blog I will have to say that I did my weigh in today and guess what???? Yup! I am in ONE-derland! I weighed in at 199.5lbs today. Sure it is only .5lbs in but I will take it and keep on trucking!

I feel successful! I feel freaking awesome! So far I have just been watching my calorie intake and no more soda! I still love my sweet tea but I reserve it for when we eat out. So now it is just water, water, and well more water. I feel like for once everything is coming together!

Now I know I said in a few blogs back that this time I wasn't going to follow any certain plan, exercise regimen, etc. Well, I lied! You know me and my Type "A" personality there was no way I would be able to go through this with out some sort of guidance/plan. So here it is. It is simple and to the point.

There is an app. out there called Lose It!. I LOVE it! Really simple put in your info and it gives you the calories you should be hitting. You plug in what you have eaten and it counts the calories down for you. You can even scan the bar codes. You keep up with your weight on there as well and when you hit little milestones you earn badges (kinda like Spark People). Cost: FREE! Look it up! You will LOVE it too! I get a little over 1,400 calories a day. And the best part is I am keeping in my calories every day. 

Now on to exercise. (This is where the title comes in.) I was trying to figure out what type of exercise I would like to do this time around. So I started researching videos, plan, web, etc. Then it hit me. I have in my office 3 different workout programs that I spent over $300 on combined and they are there collecting dust. How many of them did I complete? Oh that is easy...NONE! I spent the money on them, used them for a week or 2, and then threw them into a basket and on to a new one. So now I will be dusting them off and completing them one at a time. This should almost get me through to next year between these and training for Disney next year. (Oh by the way I will be using Couch to 5K for that...another AWESOME App!)

The first one I will be using is the PINK Method. I loved this when I used it last time I just wish that I would have stuck with it. You know I bought that program in 2011 and I was 189lbs then. I reflect on if I would have kept up with the program what I would look like today. I would look Damn good! But nope the food was more important. Not anymore!

So this past week I learned:
Water isn't so bad after all...the bathroom breaks those still suck but worth it
The more water you drink the less you will eat 
This weight loss is great but it is time to get moving!

This week my goals:
Keep going with the water
Stay in my calories
Workout for the week sticking to the schedule
See if I can become a morning person (this will be the hardest by far I have never been a morning person no matter how much I try)

So I hope everyone has a great week! Get moving or just change one little thing. For me it started with saying goodbye to the soda and I try to add a new goal each week! 

xoxoxo,
Kelly 

 

If The Shoe Fits...

Hey Chics!

Well, I am just going to get this out of the way now...I gained 1.5lbs back. Yup, I gained, I own it, I ate crappy. Enough said moving on...

So I had a bad first week. I really started feeling down and almost decided that I was going to say screw it maybe I am just not ready! Then I got a package in the mail. In it contained the most beautiful pair of shoes. No they are not a pair of heels (let's face it I would so fall flat on my face!).

In a way these shoes are bitter sweet. You see they are the Minnie Mouse New Balance from Run Disney. It is bitter sweet because I was suppose to be in that 5k. No I was not shooting for the full or half marathon...yet. I am very optimistic but I am also a realist and for me the first step is a 5k. So I should have been waiting in that line at that expo to get the shoes that I would be running in. But instead...I had to have a personal shopper get them for me and I laid around that whole weekend.

But as I just stated I am an optimist and as you will now see I am going to turn this negative into a positive! These shoes now represent my starting line. Next year I WILL be at that 5K! I WILL sign up the day they start registration. And if need be I WILL do it alone. 

I have been making better choices in food so far this week and tonight I begin exercising again! You will not see a blog every day because I have begun to see what my life really can be. I am back in my office working on my husbands and my business, I have started up my own little crafting thing, I am being a mom and wife, keeping a clean home, and taking care of myself so there will not be time every night for a blog and that is ok. I may even move to doing some video blogs because I am sure that would be a lot less time (but I bet I would ramble even more and I have no idea how to edit a video lol).

So maybe these shoes are not a glass slipper but this time...this will be my Cinderella moment!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Writing My Wrongs!

Hey Chics!

I am back! Yes, again! With a newer, bigger, and brighter attitude! This is MY year! You may have heard it before and hell, you may not even believe it but that is OK because I WILL do this!

First off. Last week I weighed myself and was 204lbs. This week I am at 200lbs! Yup 4lbs lost and nect week this girl WILL be in "ONE"derland! I get a lot more now than I did all these other times. Some I have learned on my own and others through guidance. So this is what I am doing THIS time. 

I am done with all the books, pills, regimens, etc. I think I went on diet over load! You get all this great information and really they are all great! I have a bunch of books if you want to have some good ones. But I am going to keep this so stupid simple.

I am not going to change everything at once. HELLO! I do it every time! I clean out the pantry only to want something so bad 2 days later. It will go a little at a time. Each week I will challenge myself to make another change in my life. This week it is to only eat out on my cheat day 1 time. That was today and I did it and I am happy that I kept it moderate and I was satisfied. 

This week it is all about getting my home life back in order.  It is full of clutter so it is time to clean it out! I can't even exercise in my home because it is so bad. So those are my 2 steps this week. No eating out except 1 time a week and cleaning out the home to get my schedule back!

Now with that today was awesome! Cole (my 3 year old), John, and myself had a picnic followed with a 2 mile hike. Then later on I went back outside and played with Cole. It felt so go to be out and playing and just taking family time that we normally don't get. Now only to get my older 2 kids involved. 

Well this is it for tonight. If I can leave you with one thought it is do not give up! Look at my blogs and how many time I have done this. I know it may have taken many tries but I am worth it to continue my journey no matter how long it takes!