Well I decided to write my blog a day early because the thoughts are going through my head from this past week so I am ready to get them out and for your reading enjoyment.
This week was a roller coaster from hell. And to be honest with you I gave in...but now I need to back up a bit and tell you about my week.
So there is was Monday morning I stepped on the scale and I was out of the 200's! It was an awesome feeling. Maybe it was only by 1/2 a pound but I still felt a sense of freedom from that 1/2 pound. I was still eating good and taking care of myself. Tuesday and Wednesday were awesome and I was still living on cloud nine!
Then Thursday hit and my husband went to the store and came home with a surprise for all of us which I was so happy about that he thought of the kids and me (he is pretty thoughtful by the way). I saw this adorable little stuffed bear with a heart and then, there it was...beneath the bear was a bag of snack size Pay Day bars and to the side of it was a Sprite. I was kinda in shock to be perfectly honest. Then I did it, I ate the candy. I think I had 3 that night. I tried the Sprite too but I did realize that soda to me, is well just plain nasty now.
Friday, oh goodness I am not sure if I want to go there. I finished that bag of Pay Day bars (now I did not eat that whole bag myself but I ate at least 1/2 of it. I went to pick up my daughters boyfriend and as soon as my hubby came home he brought with him some banana Twinkies. You guessed it, I ate some.
That night I sat in the bathroom feeling sick to my stomach and ready to cry. Then it hit me when I stepped on the scale (FYI you may see a weigh in once a week but I personally weigh myself once a day) and saw 200lbs. I was devastated. Saturday morning I saw the SAME thing. At that moment it took me back to my ex-husband. When I lost a lot of weight after we had my middle son he began to sabotage me. It was really bad, I personally do not want to go into much detail. He would call me ugly names, bring in food that I love but shouldn't eat, and the list could go on. For that moment I wondered...is this happening again?
So Saturday I was just drowning in this emotion. We ended up at Sonic where I had a corn dog, some onion rings, and a cherry limeade (once again couldn't drink it). The hubby and we began to have a conversation that was pretty deep about other things and I thought in my head...this is it. I have to ask because this is just eating me alive...and I was going to eat myself to death.
I asked him if that was his intention, nicely I will add. He looked stunned and could not help but wonder why I would even ask that because he loves me and would not want to do that. He put it into a perspective that I had not even thought of. He wanted to bring me home something to show me he loved me. This is the kind of stuff we always give each other. Personally, we do not know much different. He also let me know he was sorry. I was also because I went back in a dark place and assumed too much.
It shows me that when you decide to change you can not expect everyone to know exactly what is going on. It also takes time for everyone to change and old habits are hard to break. The other thing is if I would not have gotten so wrapped up in these emotions I could have even told him thank you but I just can't have that anymore. But I let me emotions get the best of me and in the end I sabotaged myself a little.
Oh and P.S. my toddler was just trying me this WHOLE weekend and I know I emotionally ate because of that too. Ladies our kids can make us pull our hair out I don't want them to make me pick up the doughnut too.
If you have not Liked my Facebook page now is the time. On Monday the 3rd we will be having a contest for some beautiful Premier Jewelry. All you have to do is get moving! Check out the details ay www.facebook.com/byebyechunkychic.com.
Have a Great Week!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
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