Introduction

Here is a look at the P.I.N.K. Method that I will be doing! Check it out!

Getting Ready...Are You?

I hope every one had a great Christmas and ate all they could! I know I am enjoying it while I can without going overboard. We had tons of family over and that was the best gift we could have asked for! Now as I prepare for the new year with tons of new beginnings and a new outlook on life I want to let everyone know a little bit more.

First off this time I begin another shot at weight loss I must say right away that this IS NOT A NEW YEARS RESOLUTION! I'm not to fond of them although I do have one it is in no way about weight loss. This is so much more then a resolution you make and then give up and make the same one a year from now. This is a new outlook on a healthy life. It is time for me!

As for the web site I am not going to be working at it while I am blogging and I hope to have it fully running by the end of January. With the holidays I have been going non stop so I had to put starting it on hold. But what you see on the blog is going to be the same thing. I just won't be able to start all the little things on top of it. Oh I am so excited!

I don't know if anyone is going to try the routine I will be doing and going at this with me. Just in case I wanted to let you know what I will be on. I will be doing the P.I.N.K. Method. This is a workout program designed just for women. It even comes with a membership to their website for as long as you like. Which is so nice because normally you have to pay extra for that. You are also given recipes and tons of support. It is in 3 phases of workouts. I am ordering mine on Wed. and then it is on!

So this is my last post until the New Year! I hope to see everyone on January 1, 2012! It is going to be a great year!
xoxoxo,
Kelly

Getting Ready for 2012!

So where do I begin...

Forgive me for not blogging so much anymore but once I had Cole and he still doesn't sleep through the night I just couldn't seem to find a balance between motherhood and the blog. But now thanks to my wonderful boyfriend I have my nights back! So at night I will be working out at home (I am wasting so much money on a gym membership I am never going to use). After working out I will be sitting down and venting to whoever wants to read and listen.



So before I get ahead of myself and tell you what to be expecting in the weeks to come let me give you some insight on what is going on. Lately I have been feeling myself sinking into depression again. I am so happy with my family. I love them all and even though we have ups and downs I know in the end we have a good life. I am loving my relationship. Sure we may butt heads at times but he treats me great and loves me more. So why the depression? I am depressed with me. I am so unhappy with myself and what I have become. I feel so lost sometimes. John can say that this is our business but I am use to running the show and seeing a paycheck with my name on it and it has been hard to just stay home again. But on the same hand I love being a stay at home mom. I think if I could just get over the depression I think I could embrace it the way I use to. I know that one of the reasons I was put here was to be a mom but I know there is something else I should be doing. I just wish I knew what that was.

Right now I just sit on the couch when I am not cleaning. Cole loves to be outside but I love this couch right now. That was one key of knowing I am depressed. I love being on the go and playing with Cole but lately it just isn't in me. It comes in spurts and then I am done. The other is I am not on top of my older kids like I should be. I am very short tempered with them and I just want to be left alone. I feel like such a bad mom. I can't stay feeling like this.

The other reason is I am just not happy with what I see. That was the whole reason for this blog to begin with and I have failed yet again. Another year has gone by and I am still fat and unhealthy. I am still on blood pressure pills and I don't think I should be at this age. I have to say I have a lot more incentive in this coming year and you will have to stay tuned for all of that.

So get ready for next year! I have found a new program I am so excited about! There will be videos and not just written blogs and I will have the website up! Woo Hoo! There will be giveaways, recipes, and reviews along with so many other things! I can't wait. Writing for me has always been a passion and I think this will be a good start in getting back to me! I hope you will stay tuned!

The Best Is Yet To Come!

Kelly!

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Get Ready!

Hey Strangers! Did you miss me? I have been missing all of you and I am starting back up on Monday! There have been a lot of things going on in my life and I have some announcements to come on Monday so let's get ready for a new blog!

xoxoxo,

Kelly

Going on a Little Vacation...

So, yes, I am aware that this is suppose to be a weight loss blog and as always there is a way that weight loss plays a roll in this post. It is one of the main reasons I use food to cope. I have very high anxiety and panic attacks. I chose not to medicate myself because I know it is all in my head and I just need to get over it. This has worked until recently. Since I was pregnant with Cole it has gotten worse. And not it is in full swing again...

When I say I am going on vacation, it no way implies that I will be flying, taking a boat, a train, etc. It normally means if I can't drive there I am not going. This has probably kept me from seeing so many beautiful places but I am too terrified to do any of those things. I won't fly cause I don't want to crash. I won't go on many boats because if it sinks I can't swim. And I know you can tell me that there are more car crashes than plane crashes and I get that but there is one main thing that separates that in my head. I am in control of a car and I am letting someone else have the control on a plane. If I was to get in an accident it is my fault. On a plane someone else is to blame. It may not make any sense to you but it makes perfect sense to me.

So why am I writing about this now? Because in a few hours John and I are off for the weekend. Just a small mini trip to Orlando. We will be back on Sunday. Easy, right? This should be fun? I know it will be once I get there but at the moment I am terrified and have been in tears off and on all day. First off I don't want to leave Cole. He will be with my mom and will be perfectly fine but my mind is telling me otherwise.

• Something may happen to him and I won't be there
• Something could happen to me
• I could die on a ride at Epcot
• There could be a car accident
• What if someone was to go crazy and start hurting people where I am at
• a fire at the hotel
• Something happens to my mom

The list could truly go on but I just want to show you a glimpse of what goes on in my head at times. Today for once I haven't eaten much cause it is so bad. But then I have to tell myself

• Is this how you want to live your life
• When it's your time to go...it's your time and there is nothing you can do to stop it
• As soon as you get going you will be fine

Luckily saying those three things to myself help me. So why am I telling you this? I was hoping that in some way venting about it would make me feel a little better and it has. Granted, I am still not going to get on a plane, if ever. And I still don't want to leave my baby, that's just a mommy thing. And at the end of the day I know all my kids know how much I love them!


So now it is time for me to pack and enjoy myself! I will let you know how good or bad I do on eating when I get back.

I'm still here

I wish that I could write every night but it is almost impossible. I need an outlet and yet trying to find the time is hard. I have come to terms with so many things and now I just need to figure out how to start over.

As I stated in my last post I had gone to the Dr. and they did a bunch of tests and I am lucky to report that I am healthy as can be! I do still need blood pressure medicine and since I have been on it my bp has been excellent! My b12 was low so I got a shot for that and then I will have another one in Sept. He told me to take a multi-vitamin and also fish oil. I was at the beginning but the multi-vitamin was making me sick. So I need to find another one. The fish oil I am still taking. 

I am also going to the gym. Not as much as I should but it evens out to about every other day for 30 mins. I know it is not enough to lose weight because the scale hasn't moved but the exercise combined with the pills has made me feel so much better! I have so much more energy and I feel better. Now I just need the scale to move!

On Sept. 8th I am going to the Dr. and I am suppose to be 10lbs lighter and I don't see it happening. I have changed some of my eating habits but not all. I am going to the gym but not as I should. I guess you could say that I am doing it all half ass and so I am getting half ass results. But there is one thing I have finally come to terms with and I may have said it on a blog before but the light did come on...

I AM AN ADDICT! I AM ADDICTED TO FOOD! I AM AN ADDICT AND I REALIZE IT NOW!

Wow that felt good! It is true. I can not believe that I became addicted to food. I have been trying to cut down on the fast food and I turn into a complete bitch! I want that food! It is so good and it makes me feel good! I am ready to go get breakfast, then lunch, and opps I forgot to pull something out for dinner so let me go run and get something! Wow...I have been down this road before. But back then it was the alcohol. Most people would never know that I had a problem either. I can't tell you how many times I ended up with alcohol posioning, not remembering the night, and even cracking a beer open as soon as I woke up. Did I beat that? Yup sure did. I became pregnant with my daughter and I never looked back. I still have a drink from time to time but I don't miss it at all. The question for me now is what will kick my butt into realizing that I don't need to food? 

I am going to try to write like I use to I miss it so much. It was my outlet. And I know people enjoyed hearing about how crazy my life could get and I like letting people see that I am an open book and what you see is what you get. I am just brave enough to put it out there...

Back to the gym!

Today has been very trying. Cole is not feeling to great and wants to be on me 24/7. I finally gave in today and took a 2hr nap with him. I hope he is better tomorrow because it is just gonna be me and him after we go get Dakota her shots for school. 

As for my eating I did good except I finally lost it. Cole was screaming and wouldn't stop and I was so hungry and it finally just all got to me and I had 4 oreo cookies. Funny thing is I am telling myself as I am reaching for them that I don't need them and all of a sudden I dang near yell to myself...I DON'T CARE! Am I mad at myself? Nope, maybe a little disappointed but not mad. I will just do better tomorrow. Other than that this was what I had today:

Breakfast: yogurt and 4 animal cookies
Lunch: 8 baked chicken tenders and bbq sauce
Dinner: grilled chicken breast, baked beans, and broccoli
Drinks: 12 glasses of water.

Starting Weight: 191.5lbs 
I weigh myself 2x's a day but I will only post once a week.


Today was also my 1st day back to the gym. I loved it! I went at night and there aren't that many people there so I could get on a treadmill and just go. I made it for about 30 mins and then my chest was hurting a little so I stopped. I know I have to take it easy till I see the Dr. on the 11th but it is so hard cause I want to go hard. All I did was cardio today and tomorrow I hope to get a little strength training in.

Since I have been with Cole all day I don't have much to write or vent...maybe tomorrow.

Please Give Me One More Shot?!

So here I am again...starting over. What makes this time different? I have learned a few things and have a couple more goals. I have to start what I finish and I need this weight to come off. So today John and I went and signed up at the gym and I hope he is as serious about this as I am. There is no more bull shitting, no more excuses, I need to be real with myself and everyone who actually reads this. So here are the things I have learned and came to terms with. 

1. I am a addict. I pure food addict. I love it. It makes me feel good when I am down. It comforts me. But then I now see if I love it too much it's gonna kill me. What makes it hard is it is not like the alcohol (which mine was way out of control at one time) you HAVE to eat. I just have to learn it is what I eat that matters and the amount that I eat. 

2. There may be something wrong with me. I will know on the 11th of this month what all my test results are. I couple of weeks ago I went to the Dr. for a physical and by the end of the appointment I end up with blood pressure pills and a heart monitor on me for 24 hrs. Oh and I also had an EKG done and an ECO. Now being the anxiety ridden person I am so many thoughts went through my mind. And it all comes down to I need to be here for my kids and my family. Granted, nothing could be wrong. They already detected a murmur which I kinda knew about. Because of the not knowing though I will watch how much I work out and will not get my personal trainer until I hear the results. Fingers crossed!

3. I have new goals. 1st I am ready to get back in school. It is going to be for photography and yea there are tons of them around but it doesn't matter how many photographers there are, what matters is how good they are. I think that I can be great ;). 2nd is I know that I the next year or 2 I could be getting married again (no nothing official) and I don't want to be a fat bride. I see my vision and I don't see me like this. 

So there ya go. I hope to have people reading this again and will stick with me. I will be blogging again daily and I hope you join me...

I'm Sorry Mom...

I know that this blog is centered around my weight loss, or lack there of and the be honest this fits in there. I have seen a pattern between my mother and myself now. The light has come on to how much of an emotional eater I am. As I sit here right now I am blogging because I am trying to sit in the house although I would rather get in my car right now and go to the nearest drive thru like I did yesterday, and the day before that. 

You know the say, your kids will be 10x's worse than you. I think that is not true, they can be so much worse. Before I go any further I love my kids. They are the reason I get up every morning. No matter how much they drive me batty I tell them I love them every night before they go to bed. Now I have a child giving me a run for my money and all I can think about it my mom and what she went through. Sad part is, she didn't go through it with me. I was not the perfect child but I don't remember causing my parents a lot of grief. My sister on the other hand put my parents through hell. And now I am getting just a glimpse of what my parents have gone through. 

I am being tried in a way I never thought I would be. I have always been strict but fun with my kids. They have never gone with out. Granted I will admit I can be a push over sometimes but I would bring it back to reality before it got out of hand. But now I see it all sprialing out of control. People have always told me what a great mom I am but now I even question that. Even though my child has never called me names I have been lied to lately and pushed to my limit and most of all disrespected. All of my trust is gone and that is something that takes forever to get back. I know that kids will act out but I never realized the pain a parent go through.

When I cry when I am alone (I'm not a big fan of showing my feelings) I wonder how many times my mom did. When I am eating purely to keep the feelings down, I now see why my mom was overweight when my sister and me were growing up. I know the anger that we saw in her eyes when she didn't know what to do anymore wasn't anger but pure frustration because she just didn't know what she could do differently. 

I wonder if anyone blames me for my childs behavior?If the teachers are wondering how  my honor roll child has gone to barely passing? Granted in a way they could kiss my ass if they did because I may not be perfect but I am doing the best I know how to do. But I saw how my mom was judged by some of the people closest to her feeling it was all her fault. Could she have donet hings different? Some things I am sure but you can only control your child so much. Plus she tweaked a few things in the raising of me so that I wouldn't go down the same path my sister chose to take. The scary thing is I just don't want my child to go that far off the beaten path.

So what can we do to get things back on track? Do I go to a counselor? Call Dr. Phil? Go let her live with her step dad and get a nice reality check? Or just hope this is a phase? I just don't know. 

Have a support system right? Like the support system that my parents had in eachother? Ha, not so much. I thought they did but now growing up I see how they were both on completly different ends of the spectrum. My support is all over the place. My mom probably understands the most and ofcourse my sister cause she put my parents though this. No my child biological father is not in her life but her dad (he has raised her) and me have finally gotten on the same page after about 5 years. My last bit of support listens to me and gives me feedback but can sometimes be just as frustrating because I can get just as stressed out by their outbursts to eachother (but never at each other) it just gets put on me and sometimes I don't think either of them realize how much more it stresses me out.

I always here that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. But how can I when I can't even get a chance to take care of myself? I try, I really do but I am either dealing with a child,house work, or work, along with other things. I know that people want to help and have the best of intentions too but work lately has been getting the best of us and I have to put my stress reliever to the side.

Ok I do think that I am done venting right now. It may have helped but the whole time I am still sitting here wondering where I am going to go get something to eat. Luckily Cole is sleeping and I won't wake him.

xoxoxo,
Kelly

The Evil Dressing Room!

After last night I no longer want to see a bathing suit. I was having such a good night. We went to dinner, had a little break from the kids, and went to the store to get ready for our trip to the beach this weekend. Since I had the baby I know that I couldn't even come close to wearing my swim suit that I could wear before. So I figured that I would just go grab a suit that would cover a little bit more. I have lost 15lbs so I should be ok, right?

So I found some tops and bottoms in 1 size bigger and went to the dressing room. 1st I put the bottoms on and although I didn't feel they were the most flattering I knew I could deal with it. So now on to the tops. Yes we all know that I am pretty blessed in the boobie department. Ok, very blessed! So I knew I would need a big size. So I grabbed an XL with no hesitation and went to put it on. Over the head it went and I was thinking in my mind, this is a little tight but it is all twisted in the back. So as I try to plead with it to go down I saw myself in the mirror. I saw a fat girl in a little suit. Problem was the suit wasn't little it was an XL. I felt my heat drop and the tears just trying to flood out. To add insult to injury there was a girl in the dressing room right next to mine trying on the bathing suit I could not have even put one leg into. 

I then put my big girl panties on and shrugged it off. I knew that I might not find a swim suit because in general swim suit shopping can be any womans nightmare. I had a back up plan. I saw the cutest sundress and I thought I could just wear that since I would just be going in up to my ankles with Cole (here's a fun fact about me I am terrified of the water and can't swim). To I put this black and pink sundress on only to stand in front of that dressing room mirror and saw someone who was pregnant 7 months ago still looking pregnant. I could hear the people now, "When are you due?" Like I heard at the store a week ago. I figure I only have 5 months left to simply say that I just had a baby. 


I simply got dressed, handed everything to the sales lady, and walked out empty handed. The whole way home the truck was silent. As much as he told me I was perfect the way I am it was still taking everything in my being not to cry. I came home and dyed my hair to make me feel better and went to bed.


So now I have to ask myself where do I go now? Will I look for another bathing suit? Oh hell no, not this season! Will I go back and get the dress? I actually might it was really comfy and I can't say I care about what many people say. Do I need to get back on track? More than ever. I just have to figure out when I can exercise. There really isn't time right now for anyone to watch Cole for me so I'm stuck. I try to go out and run with him but it doesn't last long and it's really hot for him. Do I buy another exercise game? Will I actually use it? I have good intentions but I give up. I will get back on the 17 day diet I do know that even if it makes everyone miserable lol. 


And my last question to myself is do I need to blog more? YES!


xoxoxo,
Kelly

When am I fully Gonna Get it Together?!

Sorry that I have been neglecting this blog. I love having an outlet and I know I haven't been utilizing it the way I should. Instead I am going back to old habits and I know I have been eating a little more. I haven't been sticking to my diet and I haven't been exercising like I should. Granted, I have not gained any weight back but I also know it is just a matter of time before it starts to come back.

So now I have to sit here and regroup only to get back on track and start again. But how? One thing I know I have to do is quit worrying about schedules. I have a baby and 2 big kids which just equals one hectic schedule. I have tried to get outside every day. It has been my way to wash away the stress from the day. Lately though I have had to take Cole with me. I don't mind but it can become frustrating when he isn't into it and I have to cut my workout short and it really just stresses me even more. 

I love my kids so much and would do anything for them and to keep them safe. But I also need some time for me. I don't want hours and hours just 30 mins a day! I can't after he goes to bed because that is when I clean the house and sometimes do some working out in the house. John is working like crazy right now so I do feel bad if I ask him to take time away from work so that I can have some free time. I know that work becomes overwhelming for him and it is funny because I know that he sees I do a lot but I don't think he understands how it can get to a person to have no time to themselves. Then you have me who knows how hard he works but would love to be able to sit in an office for a couple hours a day with no one bothering you. Or just riding around all day by myself. Granted I would not want to trade being a mom but not hearing any fussing for an hour...oh sign me up! lol I joke but at the same time I appreciate everything he does because I wouldn't be able to be with Cole all the time if it wasn't for him.

Wow, I just got off the subject of this blog. Jumping back on now!

So my new plan is to just get in the exercising when I can through out the day. Even the blog will be done when I have time. I am going to break out my dry erase boards (I LOVE dry erase boards they are what got me through college) and just make a list of what has to be done during the day and erase it one thing at a time. 

As for the food and eating thing...I have to get back to the 17 day diet. Because I have not gained any weight back I am just going to start on the 2nd cycle again. I just have to keep it stupid simple. Meat and veggies,veggies, veggies. With the occasional carb. I know there is more to the menu that that but I am just giving the cliff notes right now.


The big picture is that I have to quit over thinking it all. I have to let go of perfection and understand that I am a mom and there are going to be days that I may not be able to jog or workout but tomorrow is another day. And finally I need to blog my feeling not eat them away. 


There are so many things I am ready to talk about that have been weighing on my mind from kids, to love, to myself. So get ready for some more blogs that I'm sure will entertain and make you see that life can be so crazy!


xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

Day 92...Cycle 1 Day 13...I have a little catcing up to do

I know that I normally blog at night but because I am on vacation this weekend this is the time I have so I am going to take it since I haven't blogged in 4 days. So let me catch you up...

So far I have been doing really well. My hardest thing was working out in the rain so I missed a couple days of working out. I am still nailing my diet every day and I can honestly say I am proud of myself. Heck, I am even starting to feel sexy again. For the longest time I have been a ponytail, no makeup, jeans and a t-shirt (ok well that's normal) kinda girl. And yea I know that I am a mom but I just quit trying. But now I want to start dressing nice again and taking pride in what I look like. I know I'm a mom of 3 but that doesn't mean I can't look good doing it!

I also wanted to touch on my weight loss. I wonder if anyone has wondered if I have a goal weight for next week. And I do. My goal weight is 3lbs a week right now. I know I lost 8 last week and I would love to do that again but I am smart enough to realize that was probably quite a bit of water weight. I would love to lose that again but I am aiming for 3 and if it is less or more I am still happy because I just want a loss.

Ok so let's get down to this vacation so far...

We just left yesterday and I have had 2 experiences to talk about. First is my eating. I am having lots of chicken. We did bbq all yesterday because they always have smoked chicken and veggies. But I did slip up a little (well I tried to) I thought that since I was on vacation a sweet tea wouldn't hurt. Just one glass right? Well, let's not forget I haven't had sugar in 12 days. So after about 4 small sips of the tea I was begging for a glass of water because I had a stomach ache! So I learned my lesson I am sticking to water, I feel better then.

My second experience was at the clothing store. It wasn't good or bad but just an experience. I am at the stage where I am in between sizes in jeans and it was just nerve racking! I am glad a size 14 is big but my hips still aren't letting me get a 12 up (I've got those good child bearing hips lol) and a 14 slim fit is just not going to happen for the same reason. So I walked out empty handed but it was a good way to know that I am even closer to getting back in my jeans I do have and once I can wow I have a wardrobe and a half!

Also I worked out last night. I love the little mini gym the have here or I can also go to anytime fitness. So we worked out all 11:30 last night lol (those couple sips pf tea had me wired!) And when we get back from Axxess tonight we will be going right back.

Ok so there is it and now I am off to go shopping and do some sight seeing!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Day 89...Cycle 1 Day 9...What an I Fearing the Most?

Today has been an ok kinda day. This rain is killing my workouts! I downloaded an app for working out and it is by Jillian Michaels. But I didn't do it today but I am not going to freak out or anything I will just make sure that I am doing it tomorrow.

But there is a couple of things I am freaking out about and it all surrounds this weekend. As I have said before I am leaving for Atlanta this weekend with John and this is going to be the longest I have ever been away from Cole. Also this is the furthest I have been. Don't worry he is going to be at my moms in good hands and we are going to Skype every night so I can see him and sing him the Tigger song. But, it's just not the same and I am sure I will be crying my eyes out when I leave him just like I did the first time I ever let him go. But we need this little break. It is only for the weekend and we will be back Monday as soon as we wake up we are outta there! But I will miss my Boogies.

The other thing that I am afraid about is ofcourse I am going on a mini vacation on a diet! To be perfectly honest I am not scared about the food I think that I have that under control. It is the exercising. Luckily I did book a hotel that has a gym and since I don't get the luxury of a gym right now I am going to look at it as the silver lining. I am also making a promise to myself that I am going to go work out in that gym every day and I might even sneek one last workout in on Monday while John is eating his waffles (had to get a hotel that had free breakfast and waffles lol). To keep me on track to I am going to try and blog because I will have the laptop with me.

(ok taking a break from the blog I have to wash the grey out of my hair)

Ok now I am back to wrap this up for the night...

Exercise:
Cleaning out the fridge! Yup it counts cause I scrubbed the whole thing down

Breakfast:
2 scrambled eggs,grapes, and strawberries
Lunch:
chicken, salad, brunswick stew
Dinner:
Chicken, carrots, and corn
Drinks:
2 glasses of green tea, all the water!

See you tomorrow when I talk about what I hope the scale says next week and something I feel now that I have the ball rolling!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Day 87: Cycle 1 Day 8...Weigh In Day!

*Yes I know there is a day missing but let's face it, yesterday was rainy and crappy so there was nothing to write home about. The only thing I need to do now if figure out what I can do to workout when it is raining*

So today is weigh in day! Am I going to tell you right off the bat? Well what fun will that be? NONE! So I am going to let you know what I have gotten out of this past week with this new plan I am on...

• My blood pressure is normal! Since I had Dustin I was unable to get it down and I thought that I was going to have to be on pills at my age. Well just by eating healthy in the past 7 days I have gotten in back to normal. It is great to see the air is on 68 in the house and be cold when before I was sweating.
• I have will power! I have said before that when I go out to eat I always have the best of intentions but then my mouth blurts out all the wrong things! Not anymore! Even at home I do not snack on what the kids didn't eat at dinner (those golden oreros are evil though they are constantly taunting me).
• I love to exercise. Actually I knew that I just didn't realize how mush I missed it. Sure I wish I had the gym equipment but I am getting a better workout outside because I would be on a treadmill and instead I am in the sand (sugar sand at that) and lets face it, it's way harder to jog in that. 
• You really can have support in the family. This is the first time I have really had support in doing this. John hasn't been eating too much off the plan (when we are out he can eat whatever) and even my dad has been on board (but I still can't get him to use the spray butter), and finally the kids are trying. Kota is now a fan of turkey burgers and Dustin has quit asking me if I want a bite of all his snacks. The one thing we all agree on is that we can't wait to have red meat in the house again!
• I love my mommy time! When I work out for the most part John has been watching Boogies when he can. It is nice to just walk and jog and clear my head. Right now I am getting 30 mins in but I hope to start to get an hour in soon. It's the one time each day I can relax.

So there you have it that is what I have learned in just 7 days. I truly love this diet and I can see it in the end being a lifestyle change. Please if you need to lose some weight and are so sick of trying everything take this for a spin. It is easy to follow! www.17daydiet.com If you need anymore proof keep reading...

Last weeks weight: 203 lbs
This weeks weight: 195 lbs
Total Weight loss: 8 lbs!!!!

Exercise:
30 min walk/jog

Breakfast:
None :(
Lunch:
Salad, corn, carrots, green beans, broccoli, and chicken
Dinner:
1 bun-less turkey burger, mixed veggies, and snap peas
Snack:
Sugar free peach yogurt
Drinks:
2 glasses of green tea and eight 8oz glasses of water

So there you go! Tomorrow I will talk about what is killing my anxiety. Time for bed now!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Day 84&85...Cycle 1 Days 5 and 6

Note: From now on I am going to blog the full weekend on Sunday.

So you have to wonder...did I stick to the diet? And the answer is...yup I sure did. There were a couple places that I fell short I did not however eat anything that I was not allowed to. The only thing I did not accomplish was I did not exercise on Sat. But don't fret becuse I ended up working out 30 minutes today to make up for yesterday.

I am so proud of myself for sticking to it for the whole weekend! This is the time when we are always on the go and eat out constantly. But to be honest it just didn't bother me. We stopped to get gas on Saturday and we normally always go in and get the kids a treat. Well this this Dustin did get his treat and I went straight to the water and grabbed some apples. Now at the rodeo I was a little bothered...they have these amazing bbq sandwiches that I always look forward to but I did not get one. But then this skinny chic who had a baby younger than Cole was sitting there eating one right in front of me! I just wanted to slap her lol.

Today was so great! I went for my 30 minute jog/walk and my trusty guard dog Flash stayed with me the whole time. I guess he was doing that because no one was with me so he was protecting me. Too cute and I love that dog so much. Granted he is only a bassett hound but he will bark at anyone probably thinking he is a big dog lol.

Ok so here we go...

Saturday:
Exercise: None
Breakfast: Sugar free yogurt
Lunch: grilled chicken tenderloins, green beans, and salad
Dinner: pulled chicken, green beans, brunswick stew
Fruits: Apples
Drinks: eight 8oz glasses of water, 2 glasses of sweet tea

Sunday:
Exercise: 30 minutes
Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs, grapes, and strawberries
Lunch: chicken fagitas (only the chicken and veggies)
Dinner: 2 turkey burgers, carrots, and broccoli
Drinks: 2 glasses of green tea and five 8oz glasses of water

Now after finishing the chapter of my book I realized I am not exercising enough. I am suppose to do 17 mins in the morning and 17 in the evening. So I am going to start exercising with my biggest loser again in the morning and continuing my walks in the evening.

So that is it for tonight. I am going to keep Sundays post short and sweet because I need my sleep because the week is going to be busy! But tomorrow I am going to talk about what is sending my anxiety through the roof!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Day 81...Cycle 1 Day 4...I am fearing tomorrow!

Right now I am pretty freaked out about tomorrow. The weekends are always the worst for me when I am on a diet. We are always on the go, I never have everything I need with me, and exercise goes out the window. And that's when I seem to throw in the towel. I am trying to prepare myself not to fail. I am going to keep my pink cup with me where ever I go (let me tell you having a 32oz bottle you only have to drink 2 of is so much better than trying to count 8 cups), I am going to exercise before I go anywhere, and I will not go anywhere to eat that doesn't have chicken or salad (Sonny's it is!).

On another not I was able to spend time with my sister today. I swear she meets up with me at lunch time on purpose.I can't let a pregnant woman starve so I asked her where she wanted to eat (hey when you are pregnant it get to decide). So, what do you think a pregnant woman wants to eat...yup a buffet! So off to Golden Corral we went. The whole way there I was just thinking about what I could have. So we got there and then where do we sit? The worst place ever! Right in front of the bakery (not gonna lie they make carrot cake cup cakes and they looked yummy! Key word there is looked not tasted).But I ate what I was allowed to and was full and left.

Exercise: 15 mins of walking jogging
******I ran for 2 minutes straight today!!!!****** I have not done that since I had my personal trainer about 5 years ago so I am really proud of myself!

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs and grapes

Lunch: Chicken Garden Salad, 4 small pieces of bourbon chicken, carrots, and corn

Dinner: Garden Salad, Grilled Chicken Breast, corn, and green beans

Snack: Sugar free plain yogurt, apples, and grapes

Drinks: 2 glasses of green tea and all my water

There is a lot more on my mind but my body want to sleep...

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Day 83, Cycle 1 Day 3...Sonny didn't peer pressure me!

I have been so proud of myself today! It was my first attempt to eat out and we went to sonny's. Did I order a sweet tea? Nope! Did I order a pulled pork big deal on garlic bread with french fries? No Way! I was even going to go have the salad bar but as soon as I started thinking about all the maccaroni salad and chicken salad and all that bed stuff I decided to stay away. I was so proud of mself it still makes me smile to finally realize I do have some of that will power they talk about!

I fogot that I never told you about the goals that I have set for myself. They are small goals but goals none the less. My first one is to be able to fit in my Wrangers and my new shirts I got for when we goto Wrestle Mania next weekend. It isn't a huge goal I would say 5 lbs would put me there but I will just be happy to get in my Wranglers and be able to breathe! I'm not sure when the next small goal will be I am just taking it one week at a time for goals and one day at a time with my eating.

Exercise: 15 mins of speed walking and jogging (when you change your workout time on the app I use it kicks up the intensity the shorter the workout)

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs, grapes, and strawberries

Snack:Sugar free blueberry yogurt

Lunch: Chicken lunch (pulled all the skin off), green beans, and corn (no butter was used)

Dinner: Chicken Fajitas (just the chicken and veggies)

Drinks: 2 cups of green tea and eight 8oz glasses of water

I didn't get my 2nd yogurt or fruit in today but since my portions have changed I am beginning to feel fuller quicker.

But I can say by now I am wiped out! So nighty night!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Day 82...Cycle 1 Day 2 Me Aganist the French Fries!

OK I am going to make this pretty short and sweet because I am so tired! Between getting use to the diet, getting exercise in, and doing my normal things I am so tired! SO here we go...

I will always put the cycle and day from now on. There are 4 cycles and I am on the first and then I put the day because each cycle has 17 days and I am counting them down. On my second day I was able to eat a lot more (I got to go to the grocery store), and got my exercise in as well (I even did a little jogging). Is the temptations still there? Of course, I want a soda and I am not making my kids stick to this so I am still making foods that I love! Like french fries! Oh the french fries today! I made them for the kids and when I took the pan out of the oven (I do not fry anything in the house diet or not) they were so beautiful! But I did NOT break! I made my salad and ate that and then some chicken and had my glass of green tea and all was right with the world.

The worst thing so far is that when you go through this cycle you are getting rid of all the bad junk that is in your body and all that water I am drinking I am in the bathroom non stop! But you don't want to hear about that so on to my day...

Exercise: 30 min walk/jog with my boogies

Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs, grapes, and strawberries

Snack: Sugar free peach yogurt

Lunch: Salad with chicken and fat free thousand island dressing (I threw that crap out right after I tried it back to the balsamic vinaigrette tomorrow)

Snack: sugar free plain yogurt with an apple and grapes (I like to dunk them in the yogurt)

Dinner: Taco salad (turkey with taco mix, lettuce, taco sauce and low fat cheese)
              Some chicken breast (you can have all the protein you want!)

Drinks: 2 glasses of green tea and eight 8oz glasses of water.

OK that's it for the night I am going to bed so I can start all over tomorrow!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Day 81...The 17 Day Diet is Here!

It finally came the other day! I got my 17 day diet book and I am in love! I will have to say that this first 17 day cycle (there are 4) is gonna be a little tough for me. You are allowed to have a lot of veggies, fruits, fish, turkey,chicken, as well as other things. My only problem is I hate fish and won't eat it so I have to take a fish oil pill to get my Omega 3.

I am going to let you know how this goes everyday and I will let you know what I have eaten and drank but there will not be a calorie count because you don't have to count them! Isn't that the best thing ever. And I will also write down my exercise (only 17 minutes is asked of you each day!) So let's see how this first 17 day cycle goes. If you want to check out the book I saw that you don;t have to order it anymore because I saw it when I was shopping at Publix.

Starting Weight: 203 lbs (nope not happy about that number at all but they say you will lose between 10 and 12 lbs in this first cycle)

Exercise: 30 minute walk with Cole

Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs with ketchup

Lunch: salad with balsamic vinagrette dressing

Dinner: chicken stirfry

Drinks: eight 8oz glasses of water and a glass of green tea

Please don't think this is all you can eat! I was not able to goto the grocery store till tonight (I have a very teething baby!) but tomorrow you will see a totally different menu because I got tons more food!

Well I am going to get some sleep now Cole is very fussy with a slight fever with this teething.

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Day 76...Hard Questions with Truthful Answers!

So as I have talked about before I am following the 12 step program that Ruby is putting on her blog. I have already admitted that I am powerless over my eating. Now there are a bunch of questions that I have to look inside myself and answer. So here we go...  (and if you see something on here that I didn't remember or you want to put in some feedback let me know). And at the end of the questions I will let you know what has been going on with me.

Step 1 - I admit that I am powerless over my addiction (food)and that my life has become unmanageable

Have you seriously damaged your relationships with other people because of your addictive behaviors? If so, list the relationships and how you damaged them.

I truly don't think so.


If other people have told you how you how your have hurt them, then write down what they said.
People have told me that I have hurt them by not listening to them or anyone for that matter and just doing what I want to do.

Describe any missed appointments that resulted from your addictive behaviors.
I have missed doctors appointments because I don't want to be told that I need to lose weight and that I need to be on medications. I even took myself off of the blood pressure medicine because I don't want to feel like anything is wrong.

Describe any memory lapses where you cannot account for where you were.
I can not think of a time that I can't account for where I was when it came to food but I can say that I had that happen when I use to drink a lot and this is before I had Dakota.

Describe any times that you cannot recall how you got home.
Once again that was before I had an eating problem and before I had Dakota.

Describe times and ways that you have significantly neglected or damaged relationships with your loved ones in order to indulge in your addictive behaviors or because you were recovering from your addictive behaviors.
Since I have gotten bigger and bigger my issues have gotten worse about going out in public and in crowds. So I would blow friends off when it would come to going to dinner, just going to their house, or even returning phone calls. I just worry that people are talking about me and what I look like. I am scared that when we go out I will order too much and will be looked at. 

Describe any illnesses that have resulted from your addictive behaviors.

The only known illness so far is the high blood pressure. But I do know that I have been having bas acid reflux as well as heart burn. I do think that also has to do with my depression as well as my slight OCD. I can't deal with big crowds, clutter, anything I feel I can manage, oh and don't forget the driving!

If your addictive behavior contributed to excessive spending, describe the situations and why you did it.

After doing our business taxes for the year we spent over $4,000 just in eating out. That is not even what we spent in cash or at the grocery store or kwik king! That is how we celebrate, spend quality time together, eat lunch out every day because we are always out during lunch time etc.

Describe times that you have withdrawn from social interaction and isolated yourself to an extreme degree and why.
Since I have had Cole I have gone out once with someone other than John. I am so ashamed of how I look and I don't want the people at the club to see me like this. I know they will smile in front of me but what will they say when I leave? John is my safe zone and I always want to be with him because I enjoy his company and then I have a reason why I need to decline going out.

Describe incidents where you expressed inappropriate anger towards other people.
I do this all the time. I will lash out at anyone when I want something to eat especially when I want to go out to eat (which is almost every day). I will give you the silent treatment one minute and then go to total witch the next.
I get angry when people aren't doing things the way I want them done and I know I make them feel like they are stupid.I know it is what I say and the tone in my voice.

Describe embarrassing or humiliating incidents in your life. Were they related to your addictive behaviors? If so, how were they related?
Barely being able to get up in John's truck. It just takes a lot to jump up in it and the more I do it in a day the harder it gets. I just get tired and kinda short too.
Having to take 30 mins just to find something to wear because nothing fits. This has happened since I had Cole I have not lost the baby weight. It makes me feel defeated every time but at the same time I don't want to buy anything bigger.
Having people ask me if I am pregnant.And looking in the mirror and realizing why they ask.

Describe attempts that you have made in the past to control your addictive behaviors.How successful have they been?
I have had gym memberships, a personal trainer, taken diet pills, fasted, and just eaten better. For my anxiety and OCD they tried to put me on pills but I hated them so I quit taking them and said I will do it on my own. I have for over 10 years but lately it has been getting harder and harder to manage. 

Do these attempts show the powerlessness that you have over your addictive behaviors?
Some of them do, When I had the gym membership and the trainer it was great! When my exhusband didn't like the fact I was looking good he didn't let me go anymore (all of a sudden we didn't have the money). And not taking the pills for my anxiety and managing it on my own has given me power. Now the pills, fasting and everything else just made me feel like a failure because I gained it all back.

Do you feel any remorse from the ways that you have acted in your life? If so, explain that in detail.
I do feel remorse. I wish that I wouldn't have lashed out at people in my life that didn't deserve it just because I was upset that I made myself fat. I have yelled at them, given them guilt trips, and just wanted them to feel as bad as I do.
I feel remorse for not being a good friend. I have put them all to the side because I am so worried about what people will say about me when they see what I look like now and I have not worried about the most important thing...the friendship.
I feel remorseful for leading my kids down the same path. I have become the drive thru mom and I am showing them bad habits and I don't want them to go down this same unhealthy road.

Describe any irrational or crazy set of events that have happened since you began you addictive behavior. Did you rationalize this behavior? If so, in what way?
Since I began this behavior my best friend died, my parent got a divorce, I had my 1st child at 19, 2nd at 21, and then 3rd at 30. I have 3 kids with 3 different men, I ended up with high anxiety and panic attacks, I have OCD tendencies, I got married to a man I shouldn't have, had my 3rd child when I was still married (oh wait I still am), I am sure there is more but this is what I have got so far. I can rationalize it all in my head! My friend died and it is my fault in some way, parents getting divorced was all them, 3 kids with 3 different men well that just happened and I loved them all in some way, anxiety was the problems I had in school, got married because it was "the right" thing to do, had a child when I wasn't divorced yet cause I would be divorced by now if it wasn't so expensive and he wasn't such a jerk at times. I can tell you my excuse for everything.

Have you avoided people because they did not share in or approve of your addictive behavior? If so, list these people and situations.

Nope, we all love to eat!

Describe any dreams that you have had that exhibit the unmanageability or chaos of your life.
I have been dreaming lately of a snake trying to bite me and I fight him off but he keeps coming back at me (so far I always wake up before I get bitten)

Can you pinpoint one time period in your life when your life began to become extremely unmanageable? If so, describe that period of time and what was happening. 
Right after I graduated high school. I began drinking really heavily and just partied constantly. I lost my job, didn't care about anything but drinking. And then I became pregnant. It was the first time that I didn't have tons of rules from my parents and I went a little too crazy with that power. I could pin point a couple others too but it just asked for one.

Is there one incident or insight that made you realize that your life was unmanageable? If so, describe it in detail. 
Lately it is just the feeling of being overwhelmed. Nothing is ever clean enough, everything is cluttered in my mind. All I want to do is eat out. I love it. I want to go in and ask for the salad but nope I order the fried food! I don't have enough time in the day to get everything done and if I don't get it done I feel like a failure and I just eat which makes me fail at losing this weight. In the end I just feel like a big fat failure lately.

How would you summarize the powerlessness and unmanageability of your life in the face of your addiction? 
I feel like a failure that what I do to try to fix it is never good enough and when it starts to go good I stop and then fail again.

It seems like these days God is telling me to wake up, well us for that matter. John was yelled at by his doctor today and I know I would get yelled at as well. This is what we needed and now I think he will be on the same page as me. My book should be here tomorrow and I am looking for better days ahead!

John also put together Cole's jogging stroller today so I can't wait to test it tomorrow!

xoxoxo,
Kelly