Please Give Me One More Shot?!

So here I am again...starting over. What makes this time different? I have learned a few things and have a couple more goals. I have to start what I finish and I need this weight to come off. So today John and I went and signed up at the gym and I hope he is as serious about this as I am. There is no more bull shitting, no more excuses, I need to be real with myself and everyone who actually reads this. So here are the things I have learned and came to terms with. 

1. I am a addict. I pure food addict. I love it. It makes me feel good when I am down. It comforts me. But then I now see if I love it too much it's gonna kill me. What makes it hard is it is not like the alcohol (which mine was way out of control at one time) you HAVE to eat. I just have to learn it is what I eat that matters and the amount that I eat. 

2. There may be something wrong with me. I will know on the 11th of this month what all my test results are. I couple of weeks ago I went to the Dr. for a physical and by the end of the appointment I end up with blood pressure pills and a heart monitor on me for 24 hrs. Oh and I also had an EKG done and an ECO. Now being the anxiety ridden person I am so many thoughts went through my mind. And it all comes down to I need to be here for my kids and my family. Granted, nothing could be wrong. They already detected a murmur which I kinda knew about. Because of the not knowing though I will watch how much I work out and will not get my personal trainer until I hear the results. Fingers crossed!

3. I have new goals. 1st I am ready to get back in school. It is going to be for photography and yea there are tons of them around but it doesn't matter how many photographers there are, what matters is how good they are. I think that I can be great ;). 2nd is I know that I the next year or 2 I could be getting married again (no nothing official) and I don't want to be a fat bride. I see my vision and I don't see me like this. 

So there ya go. I hope to have people reading this again and will stick with me. I will be blogging again daily and I hope you join me...