I could tell you that I have been watching what I have been eating and exercising every day but I'm not here to lie to you or myself for that matter. Weird thing is I have not been eating out as much and when I do, it has been a lot better.
Monday should have been my weigh in day but I missed it because I had a stomach bug. I was upset because I wanted to see if anything had changed. I really haven't given up on the weight loss but sometimes I feel like I am giving up on me. I am letting everyone and everything come between myself and my goals. It seems like I am being pulled so many ways and if I try to help someone I am just upsetting someone else. Or if I don't help I know I am going to be labeled as the bad person. I just want to scream. I think to myself just 3 days ago I was laughing and I was so happy and now I just want to scream or cry because I have that drowning feeling again. Right now I would love to have arms wrapped around me and to tell me that everything will be ok, but since it is late I have to use the computer to deal with all of this.
I become so stressed and I just don't know what to do about it. What I would normally do it eat and I am trying so hard not to. Some people smoke, some drink, and I eat. I would love to just go run outside to get all of this out but when the hell do I have time? I haven;t gotten my jogging stroller yet so I can;t do it with Cole, the whole gym membership thing is never going to happen because let's face it if I can't even get outside to walk how the hell could I find time to get in the gym. I have been looking so forward to doing a 5k but now it is starting to just look like a dream. How can I get back on track!
Ok now after all of that I feel a little bit better so here is a little bit on weight loss. I love Dr. Phil and he always says that there is always something that happens in your life to make you so the things you do. So do you know yours? I do know mine. There are a couple of things that have happened in my life for my weight to continue to go up and up but I know that first and the most pivotal.
My weight began going up when I was in middle school. If any of you know me well you know about my best friend Melissa. For those of you that do not. While in middle school I had my best friend Melissa and while in middle school she passed away. I will not get into the details because...well I just won't. There will be a time I will open up more but not quite yet. When she passed away I lost my best friend, my "sister." Right after that I began to be bullied on the bus. It is crazy to think no one really knows about the bullying unless you rode the bus with me. It finally got to the point that I had to quit riding the bus. People that I thought were my friends never stood up for me they just let them do it. I had just lost a friend and then I had to deal with that! So I ate to cope. Then I got control of it and then it all went to hell again when I got married. There have been so many triggers in my life.
Then there is the trigger to change. My kids are my trigger now. I really need to be here for them. I know I have said this many times but it is so true. Wow just writing this little bit has made me exhausted! Sorry for all of the venting....see you again soon!
You really didn't think you would get rid of me that easily did you? I have been around and having a lot of ups and downs. I think that I have been gone for about a week now. But don't worry I am not about to write you a book or give you food logs for the past week. Let's just say I could have done way better with the eating because we have gone out to eat so much. The weekend was crazy from Friday night until Monday morning we ate out. And it was soooo good. Five guys twice in once weekend, some Japanese steak house, and I can;t even remember the rest. Now the exercising, that is another story.I stayed active all last week doing everything my game wanted me to. Then Monday came around and then I had to hit the scale...
Boy did I hit it too. I gained 4 lbs! That was it! O was I done! How in the hell! I was so upset with myself I truly didn't care anymore so I ate. Well I snacked and loved on the soda! I have done this for the past couple days. Then I was watching a show and a personal trainer was on a girl that was doing all this exercising but eating horrible and she asked her why do all this work and then eat and lose nothing? And it is true. I just seriously don't know how to stop! I am fine at home but when it comes to eating out I suck! And I know what you are thinking, just don't eat out. Easier said than done.John and I am constantly on the go on the weekends and we can't go home, eat, and then leave again. Please I am begging anyone to give me some tips! Oh and I am not upset about the 4lb gain. On Tuesday my aunt came to town so I just decided that next Monday is another day :)
So no I haven't quit. Life has just had me so wrapped up lately that I have just been running with it. But because I haven't been blogging I can feel everything building up inside of me. I have to watch what I put on here some times because of who might read it so on that note I will be deleting people on my face book that I could care less if I talk to or not just so I can get things off of my chest. My schedule has been ran into the ground because Boogies has been a Booger lol. But hey, he's a baby! I just have days where I am ready to cry. I see people playing games, talking on the phone, or taking a nap. And what am I doing...trying to clean and play with Cole at the same time. I love my baby please don't think for a second I am complaining about being a mom cause I know that this comes with the territory but geeze, I just want to be able to sit and not know that I should be cleaning. On Tuesday I finally got to exercise late and as soon as I started there is Cole crying.I just put my head down on the balance board and started to sob! So we came and lie on the bed, and he gave me a big huge smile and started laughing and all I could do was smile and laugh myself.
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So here I am, back again! Don't worry...you'll see me tomorrow!
SO I was watching Rachael Ray the other day. Not I wasn't cheating on Paula Deen, who I love! She had a weight loss show so I had to watch. On this show they had a nutritionist on there who was talking to a women who had hit a plateau and was wondering how she could lose that last little bit. She showed what she was eating and although it would say fat free or those great 100 cal packs they have tons of sugar in them. So he says forget counting calories and count sugar grams! Really? Could I do that? He says you shouldn't have more than 15 grams of sugar a day. Wow that's not a lot at all. So although I am not about to quit counting my calories I think that I will watch how much sugar is in it a little bit more. Also he said for a snack have some berries (they have the least amount of sugar) with some redi-whip. Sounds good to me!
At the beginning of the week I talked about how we were going to cut out the precessed foods for dinner. Hows it going? Freaking fantastic! John is cooking a lot more again too. He is doing really good and his in an excellent cook. Only set back we almost had was John almost grabbed the tub of butter when making the fajitas last night. As soon as I saw it I jumped on him (said I was sorry after) and told him to break out the olive oil instead. Then after it was done and was delicious he saw that you don't always have to use butter to have flavor! This is a lot easier than what I thought it would be. I just hope that soon we can be process food free...well one day anyway.
I am happy to announce my sister is still doing great with her pregnancy. She had another sonogram today that confirmed she is having a boy and he is 2lbs 9oz right now. Her delivery date is still April 26th and if you ask me that is the greatest 40th birthday gift she could have ever asked for. She makes me laugh though because she is always making sure any little thing she feels that she hasn't felt before she will call me to make sure it's normal. I remember that when I was pregnant for the first time and all those weird things that happen to you and your body. I have no problem putting her mind at ease and I can't wait to be a Aunt. Planning the shower is a bunch of fun too!
Ok now onto business:
Exercise: Biggest Loser (today I did 3 circuits! It was so good! I wish I would have had time to walk today but I'm not to keen about walking in the dark)
Meals:
Breakfast: Cereal and milk 160 calories
Lunch: Sonny's turkey sandwich,french fries, and sweet tea 558 calories
Dinner: Chicken and rice: 448 calories
Snacks: couple pieces of popcorn and some sorbet
See ya on the flip side!
I have found another app that I am in love with! And I do mean love! It is called cardio workout and it is awesome! So here is the deal...It gives you certain days you have a workout but you can do it at anytime. You simply go out to walk, hit start workout, and you are on your way! This tracks the steps you take, how far you go, your time, how many calories you burn, how many mph you walked, and will play the music you have too. It talks to you as you go to let you know your progress. oh and it even had a heart rate monitor! This app is sick! It even shows you on a map where you are going. I just continued to go in a circle. After you are finished it gives you the option to share what you have done! You can even share with friends who have this app! Oh and did I mention that this app is FREE! Get it and we can see how each other is doing!
Also today I did a challenge on my Biggest Loser game. That is harder than the workouts I normally do. I lasted 5 mins but broke my high score so I will take it. I am just proud of myself for working out so much today and I felt great afterwards. I am also starting to wear my compression shorts again to work out. I feel like I have worked out so much more when I wear them because I know it helps with the excess water. And even if that's all in my head it's all good!
So did I eat out again today? Yup sure did. We ended up at Wendys and nope I wasn't good at all. We were at Wendy's and well I'll get into that later I don't want to relive the same thing over and over again.
So I need to vent a little about family tonight. As we know I love my family but I want to pull my hair out sometimes. As we know Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday and I love my football! I was told last week that my help was needed to prep some food for a super bowl party but we didn't need to stay. We are just dropping it off and going home. Well then today I get another phone call saying that it has changed and we will have to go pick him up at 7:30! Oh no! Are you serious! But I can't say no! We were also trying to figure out a time to go on a parent vacation but can't because of this. We don't want to go next weekend because we want to go see Montgomery Gentry. It is either the cabin in GA or a concert. I just want to be able to plan a weekend to get away and not have to worry about being needed. Hey, it's nice to be needed to I need a break too.
Ok I feel a little better. Now down to business:
Exercise: Walked 1.1 miles and did a Biggest Loser Challenge
Meals:
Breakfast: Cereal and milk 160 calories
Lunch: Wendys Chicken sandwich, fries, and soda 1070
Dinner: Steak and chicken fajitas 400 calories (I just ate the meat and veggies!)
Snack: Smart Ones cookie dough sundae 170 calories
So even though I was bad for lunch I am happy with what I did for dinner. I could have skipped that snack though.
Back again tomorrow!
I am so sore tonight and to be honest I didn't even want to blog! As I told you yesterday my Biggest Loser game was bumping me up a level. When I first saw what I was going at the the workout was only 18mins long I figured that it didn't do it. Well, I was wrong. Although it was a short workout it was intense!It was the first time I broke a sweat like that. I even got to do a little boxing which I love! Now I have the moves that I love to do and on the flip side I have the ones I hate as well. Mainly, lunges though! I hate them with a passion and I always have. I use to cuss out my personal trainer Al (gosh I miss him) for making me do them and now I cuss out a game. The other thing I enjoyed is that the workout combined yoga too which I also like. But. I will have to go with the game and do the stupid lunges but I'm not gonna like it!
On another note for my workout today I had another proud moment. As I am working out John walked in and asked what I was doing. He then joined me with my workout. He did his best and kept up pretty good. We were suppose to walk tonight too but by the time I got home it was dark and I won't take Cole out walking in the dark because I don't want to trip. So we will walk tomorrow.
The rest of my exercise came with going out with my sister and my mom today. We went shopping and out to lunch. We had a really good time and I cherish those moments. We went to one of our favorite consignment shops, Repeat Street. And then one of my favorite stores...Hobby Lobby! I could stay all day in there! I got some of the best stuff for the baby shower there and I can't wait to start putting the stuff together. I will post pics once I am done. I can't say I'm as crafty as Martha but I hold my own.
As I stated before we went to lunch and I wasn't the best but not the worst either. And remember how I said I got home after dark? Well that made me tired and not wanting to cook so I drove 5 miles up the road and got some food. I just don't get it. Why am I so dependent on fast food? Should I go back to my childhood of living on the outskirts of Dunnellon and Ocala when it was 30 mins each way to get something and my mom barely ever would? Or that once I became a single mom on a fixed income it was cheaper to order off the 99 cent menu than cook? Who knows,who cares? I just care about stopping it! It's not helping my blood pressure or my health in general! And suggestions?
Ok you know the drill:
Exercise: Biggest Loser (my calves are killing me!)
Meals:
Breakfast: Omelet with onion, pepper, and ham 200 calories (I am really trying to get some veggies in my life a little more but all I did this time was pick the peppers out lol)
Lunch: Steak and Shake: single steak burger and fries: 775 calories (did I mention the sweet tea I had too)
Dinner: Panda express: beef and broccoli and orange chicken: 530 calories
Total: 1505 calories. Well as much as I sucked at the food choices at least I didn't go over in calories!
See Ya Tomorrow!
