Monday should have been my weigh in day but I missed it because I had a stomach bug. I was upset because I wanted to see if anything had changed. I really haven't given up on the weight loss but sometimes I feel like I am giving up on me. I am letting everyone and everything come between myself and my goals. It seems like I am being pulled so many ways and if I try to help someone I am just upsetting someone else. Or if I don't help I know I am going to be labeled as the bad person. I just want to scream. I think to myself just 3 days ago I was laughing and I was so happy and now I just want to scream or cry because I have that drowning feeling again. Right now I would love to have arms wrapped around me and to tell me that everything will be ok, but since it is late I have to use the computer to deal with all of this.
I become so stressed and I just don't know what to do about it. What I would normally do it eat and I am trying so hard not to. Some people smoke, some drink, and I eat. I would love to just go run outside to get all of this out but when the hell do I have time? I haven;t gotten my jogging stroller yet so I can;t do it with Cole, the whole gym membership thing is never going to happen because let's face it if I can't even get outside to walk how the hell could I find time to get in the gym. I have been looking so forward to doing a 5k but now it is starting to just look like a dream. How can I get back on track!
Ok now after all of that I feel a little bit better so here is a little bit on weight loss. I love Dr. Phil and he always says that there is always something that happens in your life to make you so the things you do. So do you know yours? I do know mine. There are a couple of things that have happened in my life for my weight to continue to go up and up but I know that first and the most pivotal.
My weight began going up when I was in middle school. If any of you know me well you know about my best friend Melissa. For those of you that do not. While in middle school I had my best friend Melissa and while in middle school she passed away. I will not get into the details because...well I just won't. There will be a time I will open up more but not quite yet. When she passed away I lost my best friend, my "sister." Right after that I began to be bullied on the bus. It is crazy to think no one really knows about the bullying unless you rode the bus with me. It finally got to the point that I had to quit riding the bus. People that I thought were my friends never stood up for me they just let them do it. I had just lost a friend and then I had to deal with that! So I ate to cope. Then I got control of it and then it all went to hell again when I got married. There have been so many triggers in my life.
Then there is the trigger to change. My kids are my trigger now. I really need to be here for them. I know I have said this many times but it is so true. Wow just writing this little bit has made me exhausted! Sorry for all of the venting....see you again soon!
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