After last night I no longer want to see a bathing suit. I was having such a good night. We went to dinner, had a little break from the kids, and went to the store to get ready for our trip to the beach this weekend. Since I had the baby I know that I couldn't even come close to wearing my swim suit that I could wear before. So I figured that I would just go grab a suit that would cover a little bit more. I have lost 15lbs so I should be ok, right?
So I found some tops and bottoms in 1 size bigger and went to the dressing room. 1st I put the bottoms on and although I didn't feel they were the most flattering I knew I could deal with it. So now on to the tops. Yes we all know that I am pretty blessed in the boobie department. Ok, very blessed! So I knew I would need a big size. So I grabbed an XL with no hesitation and went to put it on. Over the head it went and I was thinking in my mind, this is a little tight but it is all twisted in the back. So as I try to plead with it to go down I saw myself in the mirror. I saw a fat girl in a little suit. Problem was the suit wasn't little it was an XL. I felt my heat drop and the tears just trying to flood out. To add insult to injury there was a girl in the dressing room right next to mine trying on the bathing suit I could not have even put one leg into.
I then put my big girl panties on and shrugged it off. I knew that I might not find a swim suit because in general swim suit shopping can be any womans nightmare. I had a back up plan. I saw the cutest sundress and I thought I could just wear that since I would just be going in up to my ankles with Cole (here's a fun fact about me I am terrified of the water and can't swim). To I put this black and pink sundress on only to stand in front of that dressing room mirror and saw someone who was pregnant 7 months ago still looking pregnant. I could hear the people now, "When are you due?" Like I heard at the store a week ago. I figure I only have 5 months left to simply say that I just had a baby.
I simply got dressed, handed everything to the sales lady, and walked out empty handed. The whole way home the truck was silent. As much as he told me I was perfect the way I am it was still taking everything in my being not to cry. I came home and dyed my hair to make me feel better and went to bed.
So now I have to ask myself where do I go now? Will I look for another bathing suit? Oh hell no, not this season! Will I go back and get the dress? I actually might it was really comfy and I can't say I care about what many people say. Do I need to get back on track? More than ever. I just have to figure out when I can exercise. There really isn't time right now for anyone to watch Cole for me so I'm stuck. I try to go out and run with him but it doesn't last long and it's really hot for him. Do I buy another exercise game? Will I actually use it? I have good intentions but I give up. I will get back on the 17 day diet I do know that even if it makes everyone miserable lol.
And my last question to myself is do I need to blog more? YES!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
Sorry that I have been neglecting this blog. I love having an outlet and I know I haven't been utilizing it the way I should. Instead I am going back to old habits and I know I have been eating a little more. I haven't been sticking to my diet and I haven't been exercising like I should. Granted, I have not gained any weight back but I also know it is just a matter of time before it starts to come back.
So now I have to sit here and regroup only to get back on track and start again. But how? One thing I know I have to do is quit worrying about schedules. I have a baby and 2 big kids which just equals one hectic schedule. I have tried to get outside every day. It has been my way to wash away the stress from the day. Lately though I have had to take Cole with me. I don't mind but it can become frustrating when he isn't into it and I have to cut my workout short and it really just stresses me even more.
I love my kids so much and would do anything for them and to keep them safe. But I also need some time for me. I don't want hours and hours just 30 mins a day! I can't after he goes to bed because that is when I clean the house and sometimes do some working out in the house. John is working like crazy right now so I do feel bad if I ask him to take time away from work so that I can have some free time. I know that work becomes overwhelming for him and it is funny because I know that he sees I do a lot but I don't think he understands how it can get to a person to have no time to themselves. Then you have me who knows how hard he works but would love to be able to sit in an office for a couple hours a day with no one bothering you. Or just riding around all day by myself. Granted I would not want to trade being a mom but not hearing any fussing for an hour...oh sign me up! lol I joke but at the same time I appreciate everything he does because I wouldn't be able to be with Cole all the time if it wasn't for him.
Wow, I just got off the subject of this blog. Jumping back on now!
So my new plan is to just get in the exercising when I can through out the day. Even the blog will be done when I have time. I am going to break out my dry erase boards (I LOVE dry erase boards they are what got me through college) and just make a list of what has to be done during the day and erase it one thing at a time.
As for the food and eating thing...I have to get back to the 17 day diet. Because I have not gained any weight back I am just going to start on the 2nd cycle again. I just have to keep it stupid simple. Meat and veggies,veggies, veggies. With the occasional carb. I know there is more to the menu that that but I am just giving the cliff notes right now.
The big picture is that I have to quit over thinking it all. I have to let go of perfection and understand that I am a mom and there are going to be days that I may not be able to jog or workout but tomorrow is another day. And finally I need to blog my feeling not eat them away.
There are so many things I am ready to talk about that have been weighing on my mind from kids, to love, to myself. So get ready for some more blogs that I'm sure will entertain and make you see that life can be so crazy!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
