Day 28&29...Trying to Catch Up!

First off, I hate that I am having to do two days in one. I just have been a day behind for a week or so and I just want to be back 100% and give the blog 100% which I can't do if I can't remember every last detail. So here are two blogs in one. There won't be much on what I ate or calorie counts and exercise has just been basic but I will touch on that a little bit more.

I did weigh in today and I lost 0 gained 0. I feel so defeated! I know I haven't been eating the best but I have been exercising. I guess that's why I didn't gain at least. So it was back to the drawing board I go. So John and I made the decision to start cutting out most processed foods. We are starting with dinner because it is the easiest. Tonight we had boneless ribs, fresh peas, and onion baked potatoes. Dustin isn't too on board but Dakota didn't complain too much. My other goal is to cut the soda down. I offered John  challenge to drink more water then we do and I hope we can start this tomorrow. I feel like that person that talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk and it is really frustration!

Today I was getting upset and John asked what was wrong. It is the same thing that I have been struggling with since I had Cole. I just don't feel like I have enough time for everything. I need to get up earlier but I am just so tired. I try to go to bed earlier but I just can't sleep! Aren't babies suppose to get their days and nights messed up? Not grownups! Even with the kids helping with chores I still can't find time for me to just exercise. Just that alone and having that little time for me would help. So I am going to start getting up at 7 again so I have an hour to do my thing (just as long as Cole doesn't have other ideas).

Even though I didn't lose anything today I have been doing so well with my workouts the Biggest Loser is bumping me up to the next difficulty. So that makes me feel better.Not to mention that I got into a pair of jeans I haven't been able to.

So I guess I am going to leave it at that right now and I will be back tomorrow with the normal blog so I can be on the right day and remember everything!

Day 27...So Proud!

Today was pretty cut and dry and even though I have a bunch to talk about it is mainly about how I am going to tweak myself for next week so it would be better to talk about it on Sunday's blog and my emotions about weighing in.

http://www.sparkpeople.com I am adding this link because I should be using this website more than I do. I am not counting my calories like I should and it has an awesome database for nutritional info for food. They also have support groups, blogging, and a goal chart.It is free to sign up and I would recommend that anyone at least go and check it out. I had a friend also tell me about another site that I am going to check out. I will put up the link for that tomorrow.

Today was another eating out day. It was so good. I have the worst craving for a hamburger for the past 3 days and if it hadn't gone way in 3 days I doubted that it would and then for dinner more Chinese another weakness of mine.John and I say every week we aren't going to keep doing this.So I have a plan that every time we want to go spend money to eat out we need to take the money we would spend and put it into our house jar. This weekend alone we spent over $100 just eating out! Sad huh?

Instead of just walking a mile outside the house we headed to the flea market. It was so beautiful outside plus we wanted to get produce and for the most part we will not buy it in a store if at all possible. We would be growing it ourselves but with renting the house there is no reason too. But I will say that from now on I will stick to a produce stand than ever go to the flea market again! Way to many people running you over and in my personal space! I wanted to scream so dang bad! But we got it all accomplished and I love the yummy cherries I got. We had about 6 bags when we left and didn't even spend $15.00. You can eat healthy and on a budget.

I am prod of 2 things today. 1st John weighed himself today and this week he has lost 4 lbs! I am so proud of him! 2nd I am proud f me because even though we had a full day I got up and still exercised at 10:30 at night! I did my Biggest Loser and I will admit it made me sleep way better too.

Ok on to business:

Exercise:
 Biggest Loser game, walked a mile

Meals:
 Breakfast: None
 Lunch: Hamburger and f. fries (even though fries are bad to make it a little better we split a large fry between 3 people)
 Dinner: Beef with Broccoli and orange chicken (one good dish and one bad one)

Wow I guess this ended up longer than I thought it would. Ok time to go couponing! See you soon!

Day 26...Gotta Take the Good with the Bad

Today has just been aggravating to say the least. I am just burnt out and feel like I can't breathe! John and I need to get away! Just a break would be nice. Hopefully next weekend at this time we will be in GA! Until then I am going to try to just breathe. By the end of the night at dinner I had this overwhelming feeling that I couldn't breathe. I thought I was about to have an anxiety attack. And believe me no one has done anything wrong I just need a break. I even hate saying that. I shouldn't need to say that. I love my family but being home all the time and I am cleaning or taking care of the kids and don't forget about cooking dinner. I just need a break.

Yesterday was so nice getting out for a few hours with my mom. We went to get some things to match the theme of the baby shower. I know she kinda wanted to go but it's just not going to happen. I want her to enjoy this and let me take care of everything. Plus with my OCD and her hormones it is better off this way.

So onto my news. I am proud of one thing and still awake cause I still feel like crap for the bad thing...

Good News: I got into a pair of my jeans! I won't lie they are still a little tight but I don't have to lay on the bed to zip them. I was so upset cause I thought all the jeans I could wear were dirty so I just thought I would just try it and woo hoo they fit! I really couldn't tell that I was losing weight but with that it made me realize I am.

Bad News: Well for one I did not exercise so I will take this as my day off. The main thing is though I let my emotions get the best of me. All I can say is that I ate today. I don't know the calorie content but I know it wasn't good. I just didn't care. I was so overwhelmed and instead of barking at everyone I chose the food. But tomorrow is another day and we are going to go get some produce so this doesn't happen again.

On to the good stuff:

Exercise: Day off

Meals:

Breakfast: Snickers Bar (not quite the breakfast of champions)
Lunch: Stevie B's (I wasn't impressed then again I don't like pizza too much) 1pc of chili cheese pizza, 1 breadstick, and a salad
Dinner: Perkins beef tips with rice and french fries
Snacks: 4 frosted cookies and a piece of apple pie

All the sugar today has made me feel like crap! Now time for bed.Good night and I will see you tomorrow!

Day 25...Which One Should You Believe?

SO I love Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz and lately they have had some awesome shows about health and fitness. But I am not 100% sure which I would rather follow. I mean I can use tips from both that will fit my lifestyle. Let me give you the run down on both of them.

Dr. Phil is promoting the 17 Day Diet. This is where you follow a diet for 17 days and then you switch it every 17 days. In the first 17 days women are dropping about 10 lbs. You switch every 17 days to keep your body guessing. It would seem pretty easy but the only problem is you can only read the book online. You can't look at it before to see if it is anything you might really be interested in. You can check it out at http://www.the17daydiet.com/

Dr. Oz had on the author of the 4 hour body. In this book it gives you all kinds of tips. Even a splurge day on Saturday! Who doesn't love that! One tip I got from the show was that before you eat something with a lot of sugar drink a glass of grapefruit juice and it will keep your blood sugar level. I loved that tip for John! http://fourhourbody.com/ I am going to go check this book out this weekend as soon as I can get to the book store.

Today was a good day! I was really tired but I did my exercising. Cole is getting better at letting me do them. He just sits in his swing and watches me. Just as long as I give him attention he is good. I hate that I haven't stuck to how I wanted to work out at all but I am still getting some exercise in. But I am still in love with my biggest loser game. It just makes me strive to do everything better. As you are doing the exercises you can get up to 5 stars. I can get to 4 on all of them no problem but I want that 5th one so bad! Then at the end of the week it does the same rating scale and does it on your schedules exercise, your extra exercise, and your eating. I just want to get 5 stars! It is funny that even as an adult I want those stars. It reminds me of elementary school and wanting the gold star!

So here it is...

Exercise: Biggest Loser I was kinda hurting after. But I think I am not doing what I know I can so starting next week I am going to bump it up to the next level.

Meals:

Breakfast: Yogurt 110 calories

Lunch: mini smart ones pizzas 180 calories

Dinner: Panda Express 810 calories

I was under in calories and I even ate out. So I will take it.

Day 24...Boy Does it Add Up!

I was doing so good today and then BAM! I crushed my calories in a bad way. Luckily Biggest Loser has upped my calorie intake to 1550 so I just met it. Bad news is that I used almost all of it at dinner! Ouch! I even used that restaurant nutrition app. but it just kept adding up.Why may you ask? Cause we ended up at a buffet! That is a curse word when you are trying to lose weight! Buffet!

On our way there I was ecstatic because I could look at what I was going to get. Problem was I didn't add it up together before I ate it. On the way home I did and I felt like I had gained 5 lbs just by adding it up! I felt so sick to my stomach. I even had some soup and a salad before I had my main dish and still killed it! Just wait I will list it all in a second.

Now yesterday I was upset but I wouldn't blog about it. Well, now I will. There are people out there who don't like my follow through on my punishments with my kids. Hey, I am new at this. I had never had to ground a child until this year. They have always been so good. Now I have had a couple issues with Dakota but I am happy to say they have calmed down. Anyway, there is one person who I made upset that I let her mess with my phone after she broke the laptop. Since the laptop has been fixed she has not been allowed to play on it and when I let her use the phone it was for 30 mins and in the living room. There wasn't much she could do with my phone I didn't see the big deal. Plus I am a big girl and it is my phone so I think I should be able to make the decision on who can and can't touch it. But because said person didn't want to talk about it I was ignored and not spoken to for the rest of the day. For an emotional eater that just sucks! All I wanted to do it eat but I didn't. That is the worst feeling in the world to feel like to are invisible. Hey if I have a problem I have no issue with sharing. In the end these are my kids and other than their dad I am the one who lays down the law. I don;t feel that some people should criticize me when the some of the same things are done to them. But in the end it is all good. Happy Happy Joy Joy.

Ok down to the daily business:

Exercise: Biggest Loser

3 hrs of house cleaning (I helped the kids clean their rooms and after 5 bags of trash and 4 loads of laundry came out of the rooms I am happy to report that the kids really do have a floor lol)

Food:

Breakfast: Yogurt 110 calories

Lunch: Smart Ones Beef Stew (5 pts) 180 calories. Yummy! I just wish there would have been more veggies

Dinner: Golden Corral (here we go)

Salad, Veggie Beef stew, bourbon chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, sirloin, tuna salad, french fries, and carrot cake 1102 calories

So there you go! I have a bunch of stuff to talk about tomorrow so stay tuned!

Day 23...Bring on the Rain

This has just been a really crappy day and I will admit at the moment I am a bit depressed and it is taking everything in my power not to eat. I just feel like I am being judged for every last thing that I do. It sucks. I just want everyone to be happy but I never feel like that is obtainable. Or when it begins to look that way something falls apart. I just don't get it.

My downfall today is eating out two times today. John called and asked if I wanted to meet for lunch and then he asked if I just wanted to get dinner because of the storm. And I just don't know how to say no. Then I say ok I will but I will eat something healthy and I start off good but bring on the french fries! Epic Fail!

Here is something I have been pondering over today. I am sitting there watching Heavy and I use to be fat. I watch a lot of weight loss shows. Then I realized where is the show for me? I am not morbidly obese but I could end up that way. Why doesn't someone have a show on for people who want to learn how to take their life back before it gets to late. I don't need to win anything but I would love the chance to spend time with a nutritionist and work with a trainer who will kick my butt. I know that is available here but I can't afford it! I am a mom of 3 who has about 70lbs to lose and a diabetic boyfriend who I need to learn to cook for. I want my family to get moving! I should write Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz. I love those guys! lol

That's about all I have for tonight. I just want to go to bed. I have come to a point where there are things I want to blog about but until I can figure out a generic way to put things I will have to wait. I'm sure I will figure it out by tomorrow.

Exercise: Leg Lifts, Squats, and Crunches 50 of each. No walking because of the weather. No Zumba cause...damn if I know

Meals:

Breakfast: 2 waffles and syrup

Lunch: Sonnys turkey sandwich and fries

Dinner: Chick-fil-a chicken sandwich and small fry

Snack: Smart Ones Strawberry Shortcake (4pts) YUMMY!

I don't know all the calories because my book is in the kitchen but it is 1539 I think.

Let's see how things go tomorrow. I am going to bed so I don't eat!

Day 22...Weigh in Day!!!

So, are you on the edge of your seat? Did she gain? Did she lose? Did the scale move at all? Well I am happy to announce that I lost 5, yup I said 5 lbs! Oh yea! Doing the happy dance! Go me! Go me! I am so happy. But I just can't see it. I'm not beating myself up it is just that right now I can't see the progress in the mirror but I can tell you that pooch has gotten a little smaller. If any guys read this blog you may not understand what I am talking bout. Ok, back to my story. I wasn't able to be comfortable in my pants because when I would zip them up my pooch would be in the way and press down (oh the joys of a c-section) well now it is starting to get more comfortable. Hey it's a start.

Today I also started inforcing chores for my children. Just one a day, I know they have homework and need to calm down, but I also can only do so much. So Dakota had dish duty tonight and Dustin worked that vaccum. Neither one of them complained they just did it. I was so happy and so proud of them. It even allowed me to get the restof the laundry done today so Cole and I can enjoy our day tomorrow!

As for John, he is so happy that he has gotten on the healthy train with me. He is feeling better. He has more energy, hasn't felt any more pains (he is still going for his appointment though), and I can see some of the weight is coming off. He even wants to walk every day. I'm so proud!

To help me control my portions through the day I am starting to eat Smart Ones meals. I am not one for prepackaged foods and espically health ones. But I figured...why not? So for all you ww women I will put how many point they are and let you know if they are any good. Even though I am not on ww and can't just buy the books right now I will have to say the points mean nothing to me but can mean something to you ladies.

So here is the run down:

Exercise: Biggest Loser

Squats

*I had a friends remind me that I should rest atleast one day a week. So I will be resting one day a week but with as hectic as my schedule is I will never know what that day could be so I will leave that open. Thanks Alissa!*

Meals:

Breakfast: Smart Ones Ham, cheese, and potato bowl (5pts) Normally 220 cal but I could only eat 1/2 so 110 cal, Verdict: It was ok. But I will never buy it again. I'm not the biggest breakfast person anyway but I will stick to my cereal.

Lunch: Chinese Buffet. Yea I know not my finest moment but I had 2 plates, nothing fried,and no rice. But the salt content sucked I'm sure! 903 calories

Dinner: Hamburger Helper (does not make a great meal) 290 calories

Snacks: Smart Ones Cookie Dough Sundae (3pts) Yummy in my Tummy! And it is so sweet the small serving is just enough and I needed water after! 170 calories.

Although Chinese wasn't the best thing to do I atleast did it in the afternoon and ate a small dinner. Tomorrow I will be home so I should do just peachy!

Day 21...Looking back at the Week

Wow this has been one crazy week! I have been in the hospital with John, my car broke down, phone went dead, and my daughter broke the laptop. My saving grace was being able to get out for just a couple hours and breathe. I lost all hope on my schedule and everything went to crap! By the end of the week though it was all back to normal except for me. This is two weeks in a row I have screwed up so I am going to ask for your help. If you read my blog and see something I have done or am doing wrong call me out! Make me own up to what I do and make me accountable. I don't mind. I may not see something I should have or ways to tweak what I need to do.

On to another subject. I have seen some comments about how I need to jut stick to the issue at hand and write about my journey through weight loss. Granted I know that you will hear about my kids, family, etc. The thing is for me is even though it is about my personal life it co insides with my weight loss. I am one of those emotional eaters. And when I am stressed I eat. If it wasn't for blogging about when John was in the hospital I probably would have eaten everything in the vending machine. When I blogged about the problems with Dakota, I was about to go to the grocery store and would have filled it with a whole bunch of crap that I didn't need. Plus, let's face it if all I did was write what I ate and the exercise I did that would be way to repetitive and boring. I just want people to also see that I have a life, which can be pretty crazy, but I still have to figure this out.

So now it is time to regroup for this next week. First off I am terrified to weigh in with all the stress I'm not sure what this scale will say. But now it is time for a strict schedule. I have also seen that some of my friends are trying to figure out a schedule for themselves so I am going to post mine and it will just give a glimpse into what I will be doing daily. If you see something I might want to tweak let me know.

Monday: Biggest Loser/Walking a mile

Crunches, Squats, and Leg Lifts (50 of each)

Tuesday: Walking for 30 mins

Crunches, Squats, and Leg Lifts (50 of each)

Wednesday: Biggest Loser/Walking a mile

Crunches, Squats, and Leg Lifts (50 of each)

Thursday: Walking for 30 mins

Crunches, Squats, and Leg Lifts (50 of each)

Friday: Biggest Loser/Walking a mile

Crunches, Squats, and Leg Lifts (50 of each)

Saturday: Walk a mile

Crunches, Squats, and Leg Lifts (50 of each)

Sunday: Biggest Loser/Walk a Mile

If I'm not able to walk due to the weather then I will substitute with a Zumba class.

Now down to business:

Exercise: Full day of house cleaning

Meals:

Breakfast: Smart Ones mini peperoni pizzas (i had breakfast at 11am)

Lunch: Cucumber sandwich

Dinner: chicken, scalloped potatoes, green beans

See you tomorrow for the dreaded weigh in!

Day 20: My New Tool for Eating Out

I found the best app. ever! It is restaurant nutrition and I am hooked! Forget about myself having to look up what I am going to eat before I go out. Now I can do it right in the restaurant! I love this phone! It is the best thing John has ever bought me! We were sitting in Beef O' Brady's for lunch and I am going through the menu checking out all of the calories.It was such a wake up call on what we put in our bodies and don't realize it. By the time I was done looking at the calories I wasn't even hungry! I just lost my appetite. Then I started looking up everything I eat at our normal restaurants. I must say I don't do too bad since I always go with a small steak, baked potato, and whatever veggie they have. I even had John's mouth drop a couple of times when I told him what we were eating.

I found a bunch of free apps for fitness and nutrition. So I am going to try a couple of them and weed out the ones that aren't any good and rave about the ones that are. By Monday I will be back on this full force. How cliche' is that? I'm gonna get back track on Monday! But I am. Everyday is getting better and more and more back to normal. Even the kids will have a wake up call because they are more than capable to wash some dishes. I love being a stay at home mom but at the same time I also need some help.

Lately I have been battling myself about my kids. I have had people put their input in but lets face it in the end I just shake my head and do what I want to do. Well hey at least we know where Dakota gets it from. Then I talked to my mom. She is the main person I listen to and she said I have to nip this in the bud now with Dakota. She is right too. Let's face it in 2 more years I could be dealing with this with Dustin.

I see the moms who try to be the "friend" to their daughters and sometimes act like them and even get to their levels. I do want to be a friend to my kids in the sense that they feel that they can come to me for anything and I am here to listen. But I first and foremost want to me their mom. And set more boundaries because this scares me. There are just some people in my life I would never want my kids to go down the same road that they did. So there will be grounding if need be and chores will be done or else. I need to put my foot down for once and not pick it back up!

Ok so back to the subject at hand...

Exercise: Not much but does dodging old people at Publix count?

Meals:

Breakfast: Oatmeal Cookie (hey its oatmeal lol)

Lunch: 5 chicken wings and some fries

Dinner: Pork chop, corn on the cob, and red skin mashed potatoes

So there you have it. My normal babbling lol. On tomorrows blog I will recap the past week and oh what a week it has been!

Day 19: Oh Yes it's Ladies Night!

Tonight was exactly what I needed! A night out with the girls! No men, no kids, just a couple women in need of a break! I wish my sister would have come with us but hopefully she will come next time. It was just a good time sitting around having dinner and harassing the waiter. It was weird not going to the bar right after but there is always next time! And I will say that I didn't have one drop of alcohol! Scary huh? I figured that #1 I am driving so that wouldn't be good and #2 I haven't had a drop of alcohol in over a year so it wouldn't take much. One good point would be that it wouldn't cost me too much to get a buzz. So as everyone had there margaritas and daiquiris I downed the sweet tea.

All I can say is I had a blast and thank you Alissa for inviting me. I think that we should do that at least once a month. Just getting out and doing something. Next time I am down for the Wii party you keep talking about. It is always nice when we can get together and realize that we have some of the same problems, like daughters who are going through the "I know everything, you know nothing" stage. And just the simple fact we can act a fool, flirt with the waiters, etc.

Today was just a great day from start to finish! Everything was back on schedule today. It just flowed! I even got to exercise. John asked me if I wanted to go for a walk since Boogies was sleeping. Sounded good to me! I was so happy that he is ready to get healthy now. And I am happy to also report in a week I have taken my mile from 18mins to 14 mins. Ha ha mom I am beating you! Now I just want to see if I can keep that pace up for 3 miles and if so we are 5k bound!

Ok down to business...

Exercise: Walked a mile

Meals:

Breakfast: Mc Donalds (do I really need to go any further)

Lunch: None

Dinner: Applebees Nasty fajitas! I really hate that place!

Oh I hear the little man up. Gotta go he missed his mommy!

Day 18: Back on Track With the Blog, Now it's My Turn

Everything seems to be back on track. Except for me. The only thing that is broken other than the laptop is my drive. I am a person that has some OCD tendencies I won't lie. One of those is that I have to be on a schedule. Everything flows so much better if you are on a schedule. My new one was getting up in the morning to exercise, then run and do my errands, pick up the kids, cook dinner, spend time with everyone till bedtime, and then clean the house once everyone is in bed. This is the best schedule for me but over the past couple of days I had to let it go and my motivation went right along with it. So how am I going to get it back?

My first step was being able to blog again. I can't sleep great unless I blog. It makes everything better. Then I cleaned the house tonight. Now I am ready for tomorrow and it is already mapped out. Normally as soon as I get off my schedule I just give up. I almost did today too until John told me to quit beating myself up. He even was going to go on a walk with me tonight but it just got too late. It feels good to know that he is stepping up and going to take becoming healthy seriously. He is even going to go to the gym. I am so proud of him. He is going to turn back the clock...now just gotta get the smoking to go away and he will be so much healthier!

I have seen a couple people have goals other than an actual number. So now I will have one. By Valentines Day (well the weekend before) I will be back in my Wranglers so I can look good for our Valentines Day. John went over the top last year for my gift and now this year it is his turn. He has no idea what I am doing but for the people who have him as a friend on Facebook I am sure he will post it when he sees his present. He has done so much for us and never wants me to do much for him but this time I am and I don't care what he has to say :) Also I want to thank everyone who has kept tabs on him and making sure we were all ok, that means a lot.

Exercise: Housework
Meals:
Breakfast: Cereal in lowfat milk
Lunch: KFC sandwich and potato wedges
Dinner: My kick-butt chili that I started making at 9 this morning!

So on tomorrows blog you will see the calorie count and everything again. I have to cut this short because the storms are rolling in and if the power goes out and I lose this blog I will not be happy!

Tomorrow is another day! And another blog!

Day 17: When it Rains...

I just want one day to go smoothly! I woke up this morning to find that the laptop is now broken! Dakota used it and broke it and doesn't seem to care one bit! I am beginning to just not get this girl. I love her so much and she has always been my Kotabug, princess, and I act like she could do no wrong. But lately, oh geeze! She has had an attitude that is out of this world. There are no apologies for her actions, if I ground her I know she doesn't take me seriously and I am just so shaken up with her! I just worry she is going to take a wrong turn somewhere. I don't want her to become my sister who she just thinks is the best thing since sliced bread. She doesn't get what my sister had to endure because of her actions. She my sister has gotten her life together in the past couple years but before that she was a mess. I can't help but wonder what am I doing wrong? It is even stressing out John and my relationship at times because he feels that I should be harder on her. But sometimes I just want to sit back and think what would happen if the shoe was on the other foot. I have learned we have all the answers when they aren't our kids. I know I do lol.

On to something more positive. I am so glad John is home. I don't think I realized how much I really do need and want him around here. Everything flows so much smoother. Sometimes I miss working and being out but when I look around and see what has been accomplished in such a short amount of time I couldn't ask for much more. Now I just want to go back to normal. I have had such a huge weight lifted off of my shoulder I just want to sleep and relax.

Ok, Ok on to the exercise and food. Ha, Ha, Ha! It sucks! Nothing has been done and I am beginning to feel like a failure! I am seeing everyone posting on facebook that they are exercising and here I am just letting the day pass me by. Hopefully I can sign up at the gym before Friday. I need it so bad!

Exercise: None!

Food:

Breakfast: Nothing

Lunch: Skipped that too

Dinner: Shepperd's Pie

Don't think I have given up because that is not the case I just have to get back in the swing of things!

Day 16: Family Must Come First

These past couple of days have been exhausting! With John in the hospital I have been worrying about him, trying to keep the house clean, running errands for the business, etc. I just don't feel like I can stop. Then I also had Dakota and her friend with me so they helped with the baby. I just feel like I almost can't breathe!

As for sleep, I give up on that! You know we may have a California King bed and stay on our own side of the bed but not having him there and knowing he was in the hospital bed, there was no way I could sleep. But luckily he came home today. We still don't know what is 100% wrong and won't till he has some more tests done but it looks like it is another complication of his diabetes. This is something he will always live with. He doesn't have type 2 where he can lose weight, become healthy, and it goes away. Instead he has to be healthy and take care of himself. Sometimes I think I am more scared then he is. I just don't want to lose him and I don't want Cole to lose him either.

On another note I am just getting more and more stressed and boy has God been pushing me to my limits. There he goes with that sense of humor again. First, John ends up in the hospital. Then the next day as I am driving home from the hospital I am coming down the road and BAM! my car falls apart. My neighbors needed a 4wd to pull me to the side of the road and I offered to go to the house and get ours. Could it have ended that easily? Nope! Got in the truck only to find that the battery was dead! So one of my other neighbors was nice enough to pull my car with his tractor (yup, it's funny). So then I had to find another car because neither one of ours works and John is in the hospital so he can't help with any of this (the vehicles are his deal not mine) and I could just feel the panic attack coming on! So I go to call John and what happens...my phone won't hold a call anymore, and keeps freezing up! You have to be kidding me! Finally all was calm, and I never want to have to do that again!

So you are probably wondering about the good ol' diet right? I wish you weren't but I am going to try to remember what I had. It wasn't the healthiest but I did stay in my calories.

Exercise: Between all the running around I did that was enough!

Meals:

Breakfast: Nope!

Lunch: Zaxbys 2 nibblers and some fries

Dinner: Dennys 1piece of french toast, 1/2 order of hash browns, and 2 pieces of bacon

Snacks: No time!

So that is about it! Now on to the next day!

Day 15...Weigh In Day!

Wow! That is all I can say and I am not even talking about the weigh in yet. I can honestly say I will not be logging my calories today or exercise. I will write what I had to eat though. As most people know John, my man is in the hospital right now and he is my main concern. After being in the E.R. until 8 this morning I did not eat breakfast or lunch and dinner was not healthy at all. And I have had soda today so I could stay awake.

We still aren't sure what is wrong with him but the last tests they should be doing is tomorrow and he should also be released. I hope so too because I miss him being here. The bed is too big for one person and I love having the help. But that is not the only craziness that happened. On the way home I was dirving down the road head a pop and now the front right of the car is resting on the tire. One of my neighbors tried to pull it to the side of the road but they didn't have a 4wd. So I went to grab the truck only to find out that the battery is dead. So luckily the other neighbor brought out his tractor and got me out of the middle of the road. Also, luckily I have someone who will let me use their car till John is out and we can get this all fixed. I really hope that I can finally get my new SUV cause on these roads you have to have a 4wd.

I am happy to report I have finally broken a nasty habit I have had since I had Dakota 11 years ago. So here is my question. Whenever you would get up to make your kid a bottle in the middle of the night would you even grab a snack while getting the bottle even if it was just a piece of chocolate or something? I did! Everytime and this has happened with each kid and I didn't ever realize it till the other day when I went to grab something and there wasn't any candy! I was pissed! Those are calories I never even accounted for! So I had to just deal with and not put any more candy out. I am happy to say this whole week I would begin to look for candy at the beginning of the week and by the end I could care less I just wanted to get back to bed. Woo Hoo!

Ok so here is my weigh in!
Last Week: 194 lbs
This Week: 190.5lbs!!!1
Lost: 3.5lbs!

YES!!!!! I lost weight! I am so happy! I feel like the work is paying off now! So to keep it going this week is cutting back on going out to eat and if we do I need to make healthier choices!

Exercise: Trying to pull my car out of the mud

Meals:
Breakfast and lunch: none
Dinner: Chillis 3 chicken strips, broccoli, and 1/2 order of mashed potatoes, and a dr pepper

I will go back to writing everything down tomorrow!

Day 14...I Want a Healthy Family

For the past couple of days I have been wanting to talk about the people in my life that I am so scared about health wise. And with what has been going on the best couple of days I think this is the best time. John for the most part never reads my blogs but this time I hope I can get him too. This may even mean the most to me. Before I get into that subject though let me touch on a couple of other things.

One thing I have wondered is if I could beat my mom at the mile and the answer is....No! She has got me right now. I decided to hop on the treadmill (in my jeans, stupid me) and see what I could do. By 1/2 a mile I was done. I did that 1/2 in 9 minutes to my moms 8 minutes. But that's ok because John gave me one of the best presents ever. He told me it is time for me to get back to the gym! So either in the morning (which is when I would rather go) or after dinner I am off to Anytime Fitness. I had planned on starting on Tuesday but with John in the hospital I am going to weight till either the end of the week or next monday. I just couldn't believe that I was not able to do a mile! I'm blaming it on the Jeans :)

Now on to the people in my life who mean the most to me that I wish would get on board with this. I love these 3 people so much. They are my family and friends. People I would love to see them watch their children grow, look and feel better, and have so much more of a better life...

My Daddy. You would think that someone who has already  had bypass surgery would have had a wakeup call. But nope...not at all. He eats bread with his butter, works crazy hours, and stresses way too much. Then he doesn't eat anything at ll. He goes from one extreme to the next. I want my daddy around for a long time. Who else can I talk Notre Dame football too and watch wrestling with me and John. The man who has always taught me to do whatever you need to do to support your family. I know for him that meant financially but for me that is just the tip of supporting your family because if you aren't healthy the rest isn't going to matter.

My Best Friend: You have one of the cutiest little girl who loves you more than anything. You have lost weight before and I see that you have lost weight but I hope you keep going. I hope you start moving more. I wish I was closer to you to go out and do things with you. I hope that we can start dancing again soon. I would never want to lose you in life because there would be an empty piece of me. We have been through so many things and you have been my safe place to fall and my best friend. 

My Man: You scare me the most. Yup you are older and I'm gonna trow that out there. You have a health problem, one of the scariest ones out there that you have to live with. I would just like you to monitor your diabeties more. You have been doing so much better but now we need to get the food under control. I say we because I am the one who cooks the food and I should take what you should and shouldn't eat into account more. I know that this is my "diet" and not yours but you need it too. I'm not asking for you to give up red meat (I'm sure not) and eat just salads (we aren't rabbits). I'm asking that you start eating breakfast, not going for seconds, and eating out a little less. I'm asking to please goto the gym once or twice a week. I'm not asking you to change over night just small steps. I am asking you to be with me for a long time. Beable to keep up with me. And most important be there to watch Boogies grow up. We need you and we love you.

Ok now on to the normal stuff!

Exercise: 1/2 mile and pacing the er 

Meals: Happy Dance I did NOT go over my calories! And even though I was in the er for so long I did not eat anything out of those vending machines no matter how stressed I was!

Breakfast: French Vinalla sticks: 120 calories
Lunch: 6in Turkey and Ham sub on wheat: 325 calories
Dinner: Hamburger, fries, and corn: 730 calories
Snacks: Sticks and baked chips: 260

Total: 1440 calories!

Tomorrows Blog...The weigh in and what one thing I have cut out that most moms do!

Day 13...What Was I Thinking?!

So what was I thinking? Apparently I wasn't. So you would probably like to know what I am talking about. It's pretty simple it just all went to hell today! Did I exercise? Nope. Did I watch what I ate? Yup, well until I went to dinner anyway. Today we ate out except for breakfast. I can't wait to get to the grocery store in the morning and get the house stocked with food for another week. I have got to get a game plan when it comes to eating out. First rule will be that we will not leave the house till I know where we are going to so I can go online look at the nutritional info, and make my choices before we go. But I think I am going to make up a little book I can throw in my purse just in case I need it to show me what I should eat.

I had planned on exercising tonight but then I just felt like going and hiding under  a rock. Once Dakota said she hated me I was just done for the night. This all came about because I will not let her keep a dog. It is a really cute dog don't get me wrong and I probably would have let her keep in back in the day. But now things are different. It is just not myself and the kids. John is a part of this family and we also have Cole now. This is a smaller house and not to mention Flash (our basset hound) isn't fixed and neither is this dog and I don't want puppies in the house. It just isn't a good time. I would rather get another horse right now than another dog. I am happy though because as upset as I am I did not turn to food. But since I don't have any kids tonight I am going to get up in the morning and see how long it is going to take me to do a mile. My mom keeps telling me she has it down to about 16mins so being the person I am...it's my goal to beat her lol.

Tonight I was planning on talking about the people in my life who I wish they would get healthy but to be honest I am just going to let it go for the night. I am exhausted and just want to go to bed.

So this was my day...

Exercising: None. Sunday is normally my free day but I will use today as my free day. Unless you consider shopping exercise.

Eating: *WARNING* I sucked today and went over my calories again

Breakfast: Cereal and Low fat milk (160 calories)
Lunch: 1/2 Whopper Jr. with just ketchup and mustard and 1/2 small fry (295 calories)
Dinner: 2 chicken breasts, green beans, baked potato, and a sweet tea (1079 calories)
Snack: Granola bar (90 calories)
Drinks: Diet soda and water
Total Calories: 1614 calories

Tomorrow is another day and I will do better. Tomorrow I will try and blog about the people in my life as well as what I am going to do to have a no fail week next week!

Day 12...I Found My Will Power!

Dang it! I really wanted that pie! But did I eat it? Nope! And I love apple pie! That is my weakness, but I said no and just grabbed a glass of water instead. I think I found my will power. I didn't think that it existed. At least when it came to food. I also remembered the things people have written me and the word inspiration was put in my head again, so it wasn't worth it! And the comments on FB helped too. I love food so much. But I did end up eating out not once today but twice. So I think that is going to be what I will be working on next week is controlling eating out and when I do I need to make better choices. Sometimes I don;t think other people remember that I am trying to lose this weight and I hear hey go pick up some breakfast or lunch and hey I am never gonna pass up not cooking dinner. I love to cook but having a day or two off from the kitchen is kinda nice. But I need to learn to say no instead of running out the door. Or if I am going to go I need to learn to get the parfait instead of the chicken minis and a water instead of a sweet tea (ohhh I so love sweet tea). What are some ways that you eat smarter when going out. Or even what are your favorite things to order and at what restaurants. Believe me we eat at all of them. I would love some feed back because like I said we eat out a lot. With the business we are on the road a lot for lunch.

Since I have started working out I have noticed a lot of changes already and I know I am not up to 100% of what I know I can do. But I am feeling so much better! I have more energy to where I am not dragging if I wake up at 6:00 am. I am loving to exercise. I have put down the zumba game for right now because I really love the Biggest Loser game. It pushes me and is a lot more accurate than Zumba when it comes to the Wii. I am also a lot nicer (well except for today I have been a little moody today) and I think I might even have a little more patience. Also, since I have set up my new schedule everything flows so much better. I am able to focus on me first thing in the morning (as long as Cole doesn't wake up), then I get to focus on Cole and the kids when they get home, once John is here I cook dinner, and then after that John plays with Cole, kids are doing homework on in their rooms, and I clean the house. Finally, back to me time to end the day and wined down. How do I do that? I sit in bed and blog about my day. Even if you don't want to blog then keep a journal. I use to Journal before I found a love of blogging.

So here is what happened today:

Exercise: 50 crunches, 50 squats, and 50 leg lifts ( I never do them all at once I do 2 sets of 25)

Meals:
Breakfast: 3 chicken minis and 1/2 of a cinnamon cluster (540 calories)
Lunch: Salad (143 calories)
Dinner: Steak and rice w/a side salad I took 3 bites of (830 calories)
Total: 1513 Calories

Yup I went over again! By 28 calories! Ahhhhh!

Tomorrow I want to talk about some people in my life who I wish would wake up and get healthy (p.s. I will never name any ones names I am not gonna put someone on blast like that.)

Day 11...Us Chunky Chics Need to Stick Together!

Since I have been posting these blogs I can't help but love the support, comments, and love I have been receiving. I love you guys! One thing I have heard over and over though is I could never put myself out there like you have. Believe me I wasn't sure if I wanted to at first but then I thought who cares. I care and if someone wants to go on there and think I look huge and disgusting then so be it cause point blank I am not doing it for them. But to the person who gets on there and sees me as a person who has a goal and it helps them in some way, those are the people I care about.

When it comes to overweight (chunky) women...we need to be proud! Embrace who you are! You must love yourself before anything will change. I have always had a problem with the way I looked even though you would never have known it by the way I carried myself. Then I went out on a date about 2 years ago now with this skinny guy that I would have never thought would even give me the time of day. On our first date over some wings I made the comment that guys like you normally don't date girls like me. When he asked me why I responded that most of the guys that I see don't approach girls like me because we have some extra weight. He then put me in my place and let me know that not all men are like that. He made me smile. Granted we aren't still together but we remain friends. My point is sometimes I think we sell ourselves short thinking that we are inferior because of our weight and it's just not true. It just took some skinny guy with a big heart to show me that.

I now can say I have a great support system with all my girls out there. I have my mom first and foremost who is ready to start doing 5k's with me (once I can get outside and start training). The there is Jean who I met trying to lose weight over a year ago. We know each others ups and downs on the weight loss journey. We have never met and she lives all the way in N.Y. but I consider her one of my best friends and someone I can tell anything too. Then there is my Alissa. We met through my sis and have had a growing friendship ever since. Tonight she let me know that she has my back in this journey and hope she knows I have hers as well. I cherish our girls night outs and hope there are more to come. I also have talked to some great girls that I went to school with that I haven't really talked to since I started the blog. Thank you Fawn and Sara for the comments and weight loss hints. And the one guy who has been in touch with me...thank you Jay for all your insight I appreciate it all! Please know that I am here for anyone!

So here is how they day went...

Exercise: The Biggest Loser Game
I felt horrible again today but I was going to exercise no matter what! And boy was I happy when I turned the game on and saw that I was doing yoga! So I was able to push through it and felt great after .

Meals:
Breakfast: cereal and low fat milk (150 calories) I am going to try to bulk up on breakfast a little more and make that a bigger meal and cut back on dinner a little (thanks for the tip Sara)

Lunch: Salad (120 calories) I had to put a small one together today cause Cole was just not in the mood to let me eat

Dinner: Chicken, mac and cheese, and broccoli (360 calories) I barely ate any mac and cheese

Drinks:Water only!

Snacks: 100 cal pack, rice cakes, popcorn, ice cream (460 calories)

I didn't eat enough today and was under on calories. I will tweak it tomorrow since I am starting to feel better I should be up early again.

Tomorrow is another day and another blog!

Day 10...There's No Place Like the Gym!

Right now I am not feeling to well. My iron is pretty depleted so I haven't been very active today but I did still do a couple of exercises but Zumba was going to be too much and as much as I would like to push myself I also know my limits because I have had an iron problem since I had Dustin. I am not one who likes to take a lot of pills and I have always controlled it through the good I eat.

I truly miss the gym! It is so aggravating to work out at home! I either have Cole waking up in the middle of my workouts, if I have to wait till later then I have the kids coming at me "mom wathcha doin? Ma, mom, mom, mom!" and John will normally have a question on two for me. Granted he tries to get Boogies if he wakes up but if he's gone he can't. There have been times a 20 minutes workout session ends up taking over an hour! I can't get into that zone where I am just in my own little world, I have my mommy time. It also doesn't matter what the weather is like because right now the cold is keeping me from going outside and walking because I can't take Cole out there in the cold. It was always my "me" time back in the day. Being gone for that hour was pure bliss! For just that hour there was no house work on my mind, no kids interrupting, I could just put the headphones on jump on the treadmill or elliptical, or do some strength training. I just hope one day I can click my running shoes together and end up back at the gym.

As for all these different "diets" everyone is talking about on their shows. Dr. Phil has the 17 day diet which has a lot of truth to it. Every 17 days you change the plan. Which is great because it keeps your body guessing and will also keep you plateauing. Then you have Dr. Oz who says that depending on where you need to lose the weight is how you figure out your diet and exercise plan. They also have an infomercial kinda on the same thing but I would go on Dr. Oz's website for free before I end up paying for another weight loss thing. My problem with all these different things is the food that they are telling you to eat. I have kids who I can only get so many different things in their mouths. So I am still leaning towards weight watchers, maybe even online but I'm not sure yet. I'm trying this on my own first and see where it gets me. The bottom line is exercise more and eat less (but don't starve yourself). So that is what I am still doing and will continue to do.

So this is how the exercise and eating went today...

Exercise: 50 crunches, 50 squats, and 50 leg lifts
Let me tell you about these leg lifts. If you had a c-section just a couple months ago and all of those muscles were cut they are a challenge and a half and boy will you feel it. I thought I was going to cry but I also know that I need to strengthen those muscles again and it will take awhile to build them back up.

Meals:

Breakfast: Cereal with low fat milk and chicken minis (510 calories)
Lunch: Salad w/balsamic vinegar dressing (165 calories)
Dinner: Sloppy Joes w/ground turkey, french fries, and corn (440 calories)
Snacks: 100 cal packs and a snack bag of chips (220 calories)
Drinks: Sweet tea, small diet soda, and 6 cups of water

I went over my calories by just a few. Tomorrow is another day and I hope I can get a little bit more exercise in.

Day 9...Beginning to Love Life Again!

Ok maybe I should be a little more specific about my title. I have always loved my life but I truly love it more now that I am back on a routine and constantly keeping busy. I have all the time in the world again for the kids and I can start being the mom I use to be.

Everyone has always told me what a great mom I am and I truly believe that. But once I became pregnant with Cole I was a wreck. I had to move into a new home, started living with someone again (and believe me I am not an easy person to live with), and get back into the stay at home mom frame of mind. But, I had constant baby brain! I forgot everything with the kids and not to mention I am one pissy pregnant woman. Nothing ever fully was accomplished because once I had Cole I was in a lot of pain. So to make a long story short I felt like I was constantly putting my bigger two to the side, but that is no more. Now I do all my housework at 9pm once everyone is in bed that way I have all day to play with Boogies and then have time with the kids once they get out of school. So now...life is just great!

Today was a decent day for what I ate. Even though I had a lot of restaurant food today I stayed within my calories...barely! I had a great day with my mom and sister today. We had lunch, talked about her baby shower, and did a little shopping. It is really great to see my sister so happy! I can't wait till the baby is here and I will help her as much as I can!

So here is how the day went...

Exercise: More Biggest Loser and shopping with my sister (anyone that knows her should know that I walked my butt off because she will drag you all over the place!)

Breakfast: Cereal w/low fat milk (150 calories)
Lunch: 1/2 of a 550 calorie Applebees meal (275 calories)
Dinner: Orange Chicken and Beef w/broccoli (875 calories)
Drinks: 2 sweet teas, small diet coke, and 4 glasses of water (225 calories)

On the agenda for tomorrow...Zumba and walking! Gonna go to Best Buy and use my gift card so I can get some stuff for my ipod touch so I can use it while jogging and maybe get another Wii game one of the Just Dance games.

On tomorrows blog: Talking about some of the "diets" I have seen that caught my attention and I am going to vent about working out at home!

Day 8...Weigh in Day!

So today is weigh in day and I had a very weird weigh in! When I started this I weighed myself on my reg scale and on the Wii. At that time they were 1lb different than each other (I had to use the scale on the Wii for the Biggest Loser). So I weigh myself on my regular scale and had a 5lb gain! Then I get on for the Biggest Loser and it says that I gained 0! So which one do I use? That's a no brainer! I am going with the Biggest Loser, Duh! But not for the reason you would think. I am using it because I changed the batteries in the Wii the day that I started doing this. When it comes to my scale I have never changed the batteries and I bought that scale when I was with my ex husband lol. So here we go...

Weight last week: 194lbs (I am going with the game now)
Weight this week: 194lbs
Pounds Lost:0
My thoughts: I thought it was going to be way worse and I will take the 0 but with a wake up call. You will see that by what I accomplished today.  Oh and let me tell you about this weigh in that they do on the game. I felt the pressure and it was a game. You get on the scale just like the game and then they show you where you ranked and I was at the bottom. Made me feel like crap but at the same time made me want to beat these players that don't even exist lol.

Now on to the beginning of this week:

Exercise: The Biggest Loser Game-It had me do a challenge and boy did it kick my butt. I never did so many mountain climbers in my life! I also did an extra challenge that had me doing tons of tricep dips.
I had planned on going outside but since the rain did not permit that I stayed inside and played Dane on Broadway for the Wii which is like Just Dance but all Broadway music. I did that for 30 mins and worked up one heck of a sweat!

Meals: I am so so so so proud of myself!
Breakfast: Special K cereal with low fat milk 150 calories

Lunch: Big ol' Salad (lettuce mix, turkey, broccoli, croutons, carrots, and balsamic  vinaigrette dressing) 258 calories

Dinner: Baked "fried" chicken, fresh peas, and noodles, with BBQ sauce 490 Calories

Snacks: 100cal pack 100cal
                 rice cake 65 cal
                 handful of popcorn 120 calories

Drinks: Water, water, and more water
                Small diet coke (killed my caffeine headache)

I am very proud of myself. Last week I had a couple of people tell me I was an inspiration. That made me smile but also ask myself if I really deserved to be told that. I am glad I have gotten people up and moving but if I am going to talk a good game I better be able to back it up. So for those of you who said that thank you so much and I am giving it 110% now! No slacking off and I will make you proud of me just as I am proud of you.

Tomorrow is another day and I will be going out with my mom and sis for lunch. We will be eating Japanese steakhouse. Now I know that is not the best for me so I will drink water and eat 1/2, bring the other 1/2 home for John and enjoy a salad for dinner or some fajitas (well just the chicken and veggies anyway).

So here is to another week and I hope that everyone has a great week! See ya tomorrow!