Planning For The New Me!...Again!

Hey Chics!

So here I am back again and just a few more days till the New Year. I feel like I have written this post before and the be honest I have. Every year or hell almost every month I am going to change...start something new! And what happens? I sabotage myself in one way or another and just say to hell with it. But not this year. I have a full list of things that I want to accomplish this year and I will. I have lofty goals and this time I am not trying to do it alone. So what are these goals you may ask? Well let me tell you...

1. Getting out of Debt. I think this is one thing that hurts me more than financially. It hurts emotionally as well. Knowing I have to keep renting and not being able to buy a home. I can't get a credit card to have for emergencies, and I couldn't go back to school if I wanted to right now.

2. Getting my blended family to well...blend. They just do not get it! I will get into this is another post because I can go on and on. 

3. Get 60lbs off of me! That is right! With this I am going to complete my first 5k in March and will train for a 1/2 marathon in 2014. For every 20lbs I lose I will reward myself with small make overs and clothing. If I lose all 60 lbs in the year I am having my veneers put on my teeth and have the smile I have always wanted.

I am lucky enough to not be doing this on my own this time. I have my husband who will be doing this as well. Things have to be tweaked for him because he is diabetic but it can be done. Also, I have a great group of ladies on FaceBook on my group page that are going to be supporting each other. If you read my blog and want to join my group we would love to have you!

Bye Bye Chunky Chic Group Page

That is it for the night. See every one soon!

xoxoxox,
Kelly

The Chunky Chic Challenge!

Hey Chics!

I have been gone but I hope not forgotten. This post is for one reason only a workout that I decided I wanted to do. I have a good friend that posted in her Facebook about 100 day challenge that consisted of sit ups, push ups, and squats. The goal is to do 100 of each a day. To me, didn't seem like a complete workout but a great way to get moving so I decided to do a little tweaking and make it more of a circuit training workout...now to all the stuff I have to post to save my butt...

1st always make sure you are ok'ed by a doctor before starting any exercise program. I will not be held responsible for anything that may happen to you as a result of this workout. I have no affiliation with the 100 day challenge. Also, these are not my pics and I have no copyright to them. I am only using them for helping others and will be posting my own as soon as I have a minute to breathe. 

Alright here we go ...

Always make sure you warm up. This can either be by walking in place, a light jog, etc. Here is a pic of some things you can do

 Circuit 1:
25 squats with arm raises

30sec-1minute of cardio (jogging or walking in place, jumping  jacks, anything to get the heart pumping!)
25 Push Ups (When doing push ups you have the option of doing them the regular way, on your knees, or using the wall)
30sec-1minute of cardio
25 Crunches (you can do sit ups if you like but I am not a fan)
30sec-1minute of cardio

Circuit 2:  
25 squats with tricep extension 

30sec-1minute of cardio
25 Push ups (these do with you hands placed a little wider out and fingers out to the side)
30sec-1minute of cardio
25 Crunches...PICK ONE!

30sec-1minute of cardio

Circuit 3:
 25 squats (you can do it how the pic shows or I raise my arm a little higher and pivot on the same foot with the arm I am working to work my abs too)

 30sec-1minute of cardio
25 Push ups with your arms as close to your body as you can get them. (great for the triceps!)
30sec-1minute of cardio
25 Crunches...Pick one again!

30sec-1minute of cardio

Circuit 4:
25 squats with a bicep curl

30sec-1minute of cardio
25 Push Ups 
25 Crunches
30sec-1minute of cardio

Cool Down!

The cool down is just as important as the Whole workout! Drink plenty of water and I hope you like this. I have so many different ways to modify each move so I will update it from week to week with different ways to push yourself.

Well it has been a long night and I am so tired! If I missed anything or need to put more info in please let me know and I will. Also, if you try this tell me what you think. I plan on making my own pics and maybe even a video if I get up enough nerve!

XOXOXO,
Kelly
 
 
 
 

All That Weight on My Shoulders...Be Gone!

Hey Chics!

The past 2 days have just been awesome! I feel so good! This Weight Watchers idea...yea I should have had that a long time ago! I love it! But on to other business first...

I went for my final divorce hearing today! I know what you are asking..."Wait, isn't she planning a wedding?" The answer is, yes. I have been separated from my exhusband for about 6 years. When we slip up it was very bad. I left because I did not like how I was being treated and I wasn't going to take it anymore. The crap that I went through though I did not want to put my kids through. I didn't want a custody battle or battles on child support so I waited to file. I wasn't expecting us to become best friends but I did want us to be able to be in the same room together and have a conversation about our children. 6 years later, it is way better then I could have ever hoped for. 

Just walking out of that court room today I felt something lift off of me. A lot of relief for sure. It was another thing weighing me down that I wanted gone. A part of my past I wanted to put to rest. Sure we have a son together but that is where I want it to end. I wish him all the best and I will always be here for him but now as a friend.

Ok, Now back to this Weight Watchers thing...I love it! I have been sticking to my points even when eating out! It is so much easier to count than calories and stick to it more. I am more aware of what I am eating because those points when it comes to food are priceless. I am also happy to say that John (the hubby to be) will be joining me on this now. Of course he has way more points than I do but I know he will do great on it!

Also, today I worked out more than I have in years! 40 straight minutes! And I feel awesome! I now have 2 months to get into my dress and to be honest I do some of my best work under pressure! I hope to go and try it on one day this week to see how far I need to go and then again at the beginning of next month!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

The Points Matter...

Hey Chics!

So I am not feeling to great and I am pretty sure it is because of the crap I ate today and I am paying for it. So I am going to make this kinda short and sweet. 

As of lately I have still been struggling with eating. It sucks too. I knew this would be the hardest thing for me to do but I am going to try a new thing. I am going to be counting points instead of calories with Weight Watchers! I am still not sure if I will be doing this online or going to meetings so until then I have a great mommy who gave me all of her stuff to get me started. First, my mom loves the program and did great on it. The problem always goes back to money.

Let's face it...WW is not cheap. For me to get started online it is $50.00 and although it is for a 3 month membership I just don't have it right now. Plus they want you to buy all kinds of stuff and it just isn't in the budget. So I am going to go this route for a week to see if I am able to do it at home and just online or if I will need meetings. 

My points allowance is 28 points. I think this will be easier because when I am eating out the calories overwhelm me. So with a great app (I will post tomorrow) I can just look it up on there and I only have to deal with a 2 digit number. If you would like to know your points allowance you can go to http://www.healthyweightforum.org/eng/calculators/ww-points-allowed/   punch in a few numbers and you are good to go. 

I hope at least one person will do this with me. I have this blog and my FB page but I feel really lonely sometimes because the only reason I know people read this is because I can see but I don't know if they are return people or just google something and I pop up.

See you at the weigh in tomorrow!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

How to be an Inspiration?

Hey Chics!

Sorry you haven't heard from me for a few days but I have been going non stop! I have had something that personally bothered the crap out of me and I have been wondering if it is just me...

I have a weight loss page that I "liked" because it is a young lady who lost a lot of weight and is now on there to motivate people and to be an inspiration. After reading her story I could relate BIG time! How could I not like her page. I also book marked her website because for once I found someone that would tell you everything she ate and used for FREE! No signing up or anything. I really felt that I found someone who I could learn more from and lean to. (By the way this is not Ruby who I love to pieces. I just wanted to clarify that).

Then one day I go on to her page to see a pic that she put up of a tank top she wanted to have made that said "I would rather be flat than fat." I one word I was...pissed! Was I laughing...nope. Is it funny?....maybe to someone who is skinny. I personally couldn't believe she had posted that. Did she forget who that "fat" girl was that she once was and the struggle it was to get to where she was today? What about the women and girls that were on there looking up to her and loving the support she was giving? Was this really the message she wanted to send? 

While the picture was up she got a lot of feedback and it was mixed. Us "fat girls" were taking it way to seriously. And the "skinny people" had no idea how it felt. Did I comment? No, didn't see the point. I figured she would take the picture down, and she did. Did she apologize if she hurt anyone's feelings? Nope. 

I am all about telling it how it is and how you feel. What I have a problem with is if you know your audience why would you go to that level. I also know she has a body sculpting page and I feel it would have been more suited for that page.

I am sure she is an awesome inspiration for many people, but not me now. I love my blog and my page and I wish more people were on board with me. I am not here to put anyone down. I want to laugh and cry with people about this journey. 

Tomorrow I have an announcement about what I am doing next. I am done with soda and I am getting there with the exercise but when it comes to eating out I screw myself time and time again...see what I am hoping to help with that tomorrow.

xoxoxo,
Kelly  

You Choose Your Workout Path

Hey Chics!

I have been a little annoyed for over a week about something and I wanted to voice my opinion about something...but first, let me tell you the whole story...

As we know I am trying to get this weight off so that I can fit into my wedding dress. I bought the PINK Method and the plan is to eat healthy. Well, while at my sisters (normally I don't call anyone out but this time I am) her and my mother ganged up on me. My sister got married a couple months ago and had a similar problem with her dress. She decided to do a workout where you stand in the living room and walk. She also got my mom on board with it also. That is great! I am so proud of both of them that they found something they like! The problem is they wanted to tell me that is what I needed to do to lose the weight. That I could do it with Cole up and that it works. There is only one problem to that...BORING! For me I don't feel like walking in place in my living room. Sure you do squats and lunges and use bands but it just doesn't catch my interest. As for exercising with Cole, I will pass. I enjoy exercising alone if I am not at the gym because it is my time. 

I love the Pink Method because I am always doing something different. I do cardio and strength training at the same time and working more than just one muscle at a time. If I need any help it is in the eating department and I think I may have a good idea for that, we can talk about that tomorrow though.

What I am trying to say though is do what you want to do. Don't let anyone shove anything down your throat. If it doesn't interest you it is not going to work and you will give up and that is not an option anymore! We got this!

Ah, I feel better now. See you tomorrow!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

Weigh in Day...Drumroll Please!

Hey Chics!

This is going to be a mini blog because it is already after 12am and I am up too late but I could not go to bed without telling you my weight loss...or gain. First though I would like to share a recipe that I got off of Ruby's 30 Day Challenge. If you are not aware of Ruby's 30 day challenge it is on You Tube as well as facebook and twitter. The link for You Tube is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1PEFHvGsxo&feature=relmfu 


Turkey Meatloaf Muffins
Calories: 80
Fats: 2 grams
Carbs: 4 grams
Protein: 11 grams

Ingredients:

2 lbs ground turkey (or chicken)
3 egg whites
1 cup quick cooking oats
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp dried thyme
2 tsp dry yellow mustard
2 tsp black pepper
2 tsp chipotle pepper spice
1 tsp salt
2 tbsp garlic powder (2 cloves minced)
1 small onion (finely chopped)
2 celery stalks (finely chopped)
Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Spray muffin pan with canola or olive oil.
3. Mix all your ingredients together in one large bowl.
4. Roll the mixture into balls and place in muffin pan. Muffins should be about the size of a racquetball.
5. Bake for 40 minutes.
Makes 12 muffins.

Serving Size:
Women: 2 muffins
Men: 4 muffins

I have not tried them yet but they sound so good!

Ok, on to my weigh in

Weight: 196
Lbs Lost: 2.5!

Would I have liked to seen more, ofcourse. But I am so happy with a loss. It shows you that sure you can mess up but just some modifying can help. I believe this loss is from getting away from the soda and the beginning of working out!

Tomorrow I will be on much earlier so we can talk about atleast 1 of the 2 things that have been on my mind!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

My Beautifully Bad Vacation

Hey Chics!

Sorry I have not been on in the past couple of days but at the last minute we deiced to take a much needed mini vacation. We took the kids to Wild Adventures in GA. We had so much fun but I was not ready for a vacation...not even close when it came to being in the right state of mind for eating so I had an epic fail, as my kids would say.

I normally have a month or so to prepare for a trip not 2 hours. So I had no food to pack and I pretty much said ok I can do this. First I thought I could handle it. We stopped at a convenience store and I got a Sobe water (and by the way that water is so good!) and a bag of popcorn. Not the best but hey not even close to the worst. Then after we checked in to the hotel and asked around where to eat we ended up at a country buffet.

Now I am the first to say if you are trying to lose weight do not even think about going into a buffet. You will have no idea what you are eating and the calories...oh just looking at them will make you fat. The reason we even go to a buffet is because of my youngest son Cole. He is almost 2 and a screamer! No patience whatsoever and when he is done, well you better be done too. So long story short...I ate 2 pieces of fried chicken (it was white meat like it really matters) 5 popcorn shrimp, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans (hey those were good for me), and fries. You know I didn't even realize that there was a salad bar in there until we were leaving!

This bring me to day 2. On our way out to Wild Adventures I had a chicken biscuit. We got in the park and I was just having my water and feeling good. Then the heat set in. I did have a couple cheese fries. But I was trying to cool off and water wasn't working so I got one of the frozen lemonades and it sucked! Nothing was working so I gave in and got a Sprite and I was good to go. I sweat so much I thought I would be good to go. So we left and once again we hit another buffet and as we walked in all I saw was Chinese food. This was not pretty...potatoes, 3 pieces of sweet and sour chicken, 1 chicken on a stick, chicken and broccoli (that was good for me), and honey chicken and a Pepsi. I am so ashamed!

So why am I telling you all of this? I am trying to be real. Yup I screwed up. I am also showing you that please be prepared if you are going on a vacation and if you do slip up then jump back on the wagon as soon as you get home...which bring me to today...

Exercise: None, I tired but I look like a tomato from being in the sun too long but I will tomorrow no matter how much it hurts

Breakfast: None, kinda slept through it since we didn't get home till late

Lunch: 6 nuggets and a small fry 510 calories

Dinner: 4oz london broil, cauliflower, green beans, mashed potatoes 413 calories

Snack: 1 med. banana 105 calories

Water: 3 8oz water

Total Calories: 1028 calories

Back on the wagon tomorrow! I will see you then and it is weigh in day!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

Keepin it Between the Lines

Hey Chics!

First I want to apologize for the blog from yesterday. I think I need to keep this more on a weight loss level than my personal life level. Granted, you will hear a lot about it but I want to talk about it if it affected my weight loss or I over came it. Yesterday I was just plain out venting. Granted, sometimes you need to and I do feel better but I want to get back on track with blog I set out to write.

Any who...I hope everyone had a great day! Mine was a lot of ups and downs. I can tell you one thing I have learned in the past few days. I am 110% an emotional eater who is addicted to food. I have been the biggest pain in the ass the past couple of days and if you have been around me and had to deal with me I am so sorry! I know now what someone who gives up cigarettes is like to begin with. I am so horrible I will even bless my own heart lol. The one thing I have liked though is I am speaking my mind and standing up for myself a lot more. Here I will give you an example... Today someone, after I had already said no, tried to give my daughter something I did not want her to have. After then thought it was funny and wouldn't just let it go I got mad and yelled and stormed out of the house and in the end my daughter did not take it. Was a little on edge today? Damn right I was :)

It is after 11:00pm when I am finally getting a chance to write this. My nights just get longer and longer. I did exercise right before I wrote this and to be honest my arms are still shaking. Tonight I did strength push which is pretty much all of your push muscles, I worked my arms, abs, and legs. I also had to see how many push ups I could do in 30 seconds. The first time I did 15 and the second time I did 18. Yup they were girlie pushups but I am still proud of myself that I did as many as I could and didn't stop. 

As for food today...once again it was up and down. Plans changed for the day at one point and I found myself in the drive thru and just ordered. It seems like after you have ordered a meal by its number time and time again you become brainwashed and no matter if you are trying to eat healthy you just blurt out that damn number! On a better note though I was at my sisters house today and there was pizza, alcohol, soda, and cake. Out of all of that I had a sliver of cake. I can't even call it a piece it was so small. I did not keep up with my journal though so as I type this up I will see my calorie intake for the first time...

Breakfast: Smoothie 290 cal
Lunch: #8 Grilled Chicken Meal 990cal (I almost cried when I saw this)
Dinner: Baked chicken, mixed veggies, broccoli 373 Cal
Snack: Sliver of Chocolate cake: 200 cal (I am guessing from what I have googled)
Water: 6, 8oz glasses 

Total Calories: 1853 calories. I went way over! Tomorrow will be better!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

Kiss My Grits!...

Hey Chics!

Right now as I am sitting here I am trying to figure out what I am going to write about. Opps, I think I got it. That was the shortest case of writers block ever! 

As we all know I am getting married and if you didn't know that...now you do. I will be getting married to a great man in November. I can't wait. I have been planning the wedding non stop and now I have taken a break from it being my life to start blogging again. I am way ahead of schedule so no problem :).

Anyway, the reason I am talking about this is because some things have been told to me that have hurt me. If you are on my Face Book page I have talked about it before and the support that was received was more than I could have asked for. But I want to get it all off of my chest right now rather than just a short paragraph on a wall.

I have seen many a friend get married that I did not agree with. Some of them are divorced and some have stayed together but not one time did I knock their decision or the future spouse. I do the right thing...smile and nod. Now if it was something as bad as physical or mental abuse then no, I wouldn't be so kind. Now though when it comes to me getting married somewhere along the line I became the exception to the rule and some people have had a field day talking behind our backs and in the end it will come full circle and back to me. Now sure you could tell me to let it go and it doesn't matter. But what if it is family? And what if you found out that it was going from family member to family member? Does it make it more hurtful? You are damn right it does. How will your fiance' feel after that?Would you want to go around people that weren't to sure if your marriage was going to work? Hell no! Now if one particular person reads this (you know who you are) this is not even close to being all about you). I actually got to the point I was ready to call the wedding off and go elope because why have a wedding that people don't seem to approve of. Then I thought to myself...if ya don't like it then don't come :)

Now I am going on to another part of my wedding journey...engagement pics! First off, they came out so good! I love them. Once I got them back I was so happy to show them to everyone and then as I am showing them to one person who means so much to me but we have been butting heads through the whole wedding process I was told..."you look like you lost 50lbs in these pics." How do you take that? As a compliment or a punch in the gut? After looking at some of the other pics I did realize that my tummy was cropped (which I loved lol) but then brought me to the realization that it wasn't a nice comment in my eyes. If there is one thing that bothers me right now it is my weight so a comment like that was now necessary. So all I have left to say is....
KISS MY GRITS! 

On to other business...

Today was a decent day. I had a couple slip ups but still no soda. I did get to exercise too!

Exercise: 20 mins of Kardio (that is how they spell it on PINK METHOD) I was suppose to do another video to of Yoga but I am going to have to tweak my exercising because at 10 at night 20 mins is all I have left in me!

Breakfast: Smoothie 290 cal.
Lunch: Salad 290 cal.
Dinner: Hot Dog and French Fries 405 cal
(I would not have eaten this but I burnt dinner because I was trying to cook without butter in a cast iron skillet and failed! So I have 1 hotdog and 15 french fries)
Snack 1: 2 bites of raspberry bar 105cal.
Snack 2. 7 pretzels and 1tbsp of hummus 100 cal
Snack 3: Apple 80 cal
Water: 8, 8oz glasses
Total Cal: 1270

I think I am done for the night. Thank you for listening to me vent, again.  After I finished blogging last night I felt so much better. I keep so much bottled up and to release it feels incredible! Tomorrow I am going to talk about trying to blend a family that seems un-blendable!


xoxoxo,
Kelly

Time to Dust off the Old Blog

Hey Chics!
I am BACKKKKKK! For good this time. I am getting closer and closer to walking down the aisle naked if I don't get my butt in gear to get this weight off. So today I made a promise to myself it is time to quit screwing around and put my big girl panties on and get down to business!

If you follow me on Face Book (and if you don't then please join me http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bye-Bye-Chunky-Chic/137237093057062 )the one thing I found that starts today is Ruby's 30 Day Challenge. I love her as I have stated in many many blogs ago. So along with my PINK Method I will be going along with her 30 Day Challenge. Please check her out on You Tube to get all the info. 

Day 1: 

• Get a journal to log EVERYTHING you put in your mouth to eat and drink and keep a calorie count
• Drink plenty of water which means 8-10 8oz glasses of water a day 
• Write down a goal for the week. Any goal just something you want to do...DREAM BIG! 
• Get Moving! 

 I don't think that is much to ask in one day. I did it, even with Cole hanging on me.  


So now let me tell you why I have been gone. I just didn't care. Every Monday I would say I will start and I barely would get out of bed and say screw it. I have been so depressed for so many reasons. I am so happy to be getting married but trying to blend a family is a pain in the ass. It was going great and then it seemed to just blow up and I should be skinny by now because I am pulled in two different directions to the point I would be so skinny because I am surprised that I haven't been split in half yet. Family means everything to me and I just smile and deal but sometimes I think they are more worried about who is right then someone stepping up and being the hero (yup I got that from Dr. Phil). 


I have also taken on more of a role in the business that I do when Cole is asleep as well as all of my normal stay at home mom stuff and not to mention Cole being Velcroed to me 24/7. So I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water sometimes but I make it work. But then again I am not taking the time I need to get this weight off. You could tell me to wake up earlier but 6:30 with Cole is early enough. I am not a morning person...period. So I am going to squeeze it in either during naptime or nighttime. 


Well that is enough for tonight so time for the rundown...

Weight: 198.5


Exercise: With the PINK Method you get 1 day off and that day is going to be Monday because that is normally when my dad is over and doesn't leave till 11:00pm so it is the best day to take off


Breakfast: Breakfast Smoothie


Lunch: Salad


Dinner: 6oz Steak
                 Broccoli
                 Baked Potato
                 Sweet Tea

Snack 1: Bloomin Onion


Snack 2: Apple Slices


Water intake: 8 glasses of water


The Good: No Soda for the day! I am also proud that I did not take any of the baked goodies Cole and John where eating today.


The Bad: Sweet Tea is a no-no but a huge love of mine right along with the potato


The UGLY: THE BLOOMIN ONION! But it was so good...and FREE! Doesn't make it right and I will try not to do it again. 


Tomorrow I will start adding the calories to it also because let's face it with that bloomin onion I think it is safe to say I went over in calories :)


I think that is about it for tonight. I have a lot more to say but I still have a house to clean!


xoxoxo
Kelly

Feeling so...Damn Unpretty...

Hey Chics! Wow it has been awhile and to be honest I am not proud of myself in the least. I constantly feel that I have let myself down as well as anyone who reads this blog and has been in my corner because I continue to fail time and time again. I have no excuse except I just can't seem to "get it!" When the hell is it going to finally "click?"

This past week has just been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I have been so depressed that the only time I am happy is if I am with Cole cuddling in bed. With him I am safe because I am his mommy and he loves me know matter how I look or what I weigh. He is my happy place. When I put clothes on I have no shape...just round. I use to have this thick hour glass shape that I loved and I don't see it at all anymore. When I put any bottoms on the flap over because my belly has gotten to big but I refuse to buy more and in a bigger size. How the hell am I going to get in either of those dresses! I thought our wedding would be enough motivation and I will have to say for once, I was wrong. Yeah, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now.

I have a huge issue with food right now. I see I am highly addicted. The beginning of this week I tried to just cut out the soda. Baby steps, right? The first day was no problem and I thought to myself, "I got this!" Then, the second day hit and I was so pissy and then we got to the store and I saw that wonderful soda fountain! Let's face it for me a fountain soda is pure heaven! And it can't be the ones where there are like 4 flavors to 1 fountain it has to have its own fountain and it has to be a sprite. As soon as I got in the car and took a sip of that soda I was as happy as a hog in mud. That is then the siren went off in my head that I really am addicted to food and soda and if I don't have it then here comes "Bitchy Kelly." I never truly thought I would become fully addicted this badly to something, and yet, I was wrong again. Holy crap! I admitted I was wrong 2 times in one blog!

I have also begun to feel the green monster coming out in me. I am so jealous of people right now. My friends I am seeing lose the weight and they are looking hot! I am so proud of them and hope they continue the great work. I just wonder why the hell I can't do it! Then I am jealous of the people who get to go get their nails and hair done. I know that I can go and do those things (damn if I know when I have free time lol) but I don't feel pretty so what is the point? I am the mom in the jeans with the hair not done and maybe some makeup on. I am 31 but I feel so much older. My life is dedicated to this family, house, and business. I have even left my blog behind and I hate doing that. I am either with Cole, doing prints, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, taking the kids where they need to go. Oh, and my favorite...doing a print with Cole on my hip, and I am doing chores in between lol. I love my life don't get me wrong...just lately I don't love me very much. 

I have someone in my life who loves me know matter what and thinks I am beautiful and doesn't understand 100% what is going on with me. But that is ok he is a guy so I don't really expect him too lol. All I can tell him is as much as he tells me that and as much as I do love hearing him say that, if I am not happy with me then I'm gonna feel this way.

Alrighty,  I think that I have gone on long enough. I hope I find the light to get me back on track and to quit feeling so damn unpretty!


xoxoxo,
Kelly

If the Dress Fits...

Hey Chics! I know I have been lacking in blogs but life has been throwing me all over the place. We have been moving for the past couple of weeks so I have not had time to blog, then drama with my oldest child (the reason for my last post), and finally just plain lazy. I need to treat this as a job. I am trying to show you that this can be done but yet I am not doing it! Go figure! So what is a girl to do? I can just get back on the horse and get my head out of my ass and do it!

I can tell you that I am not happy with my weight still. I couldn't even tell you how much I weight so it will be a surprise for all of us on Monday. Yup, MONDAY! I swear that should be a 4 letter word! lol I think I can do it...screw that I know I can do it. Since the move I have been in a much happier place. I have more room, a home that I feel at home, a kitchen table to have family dinners, and an office where I can blog in peace! Life is good! I am getting married to John in about 8 months...oh yea this is where the blog title comes in...

In an earlier post I had written that I ended up with 2, yes 2 wedding dresses. Will I wear both? I am honestly not sure yet. But at the moment I won't be wearing either of them because neither of them fit! I am not joking here! They almost go up but not quite! Not even with Spanx! John asked me which one I am wearing (he hasn't seen them but knows there are 2) and I couldn't answer because I won't know till they fit correctly! Leave it to me to order dresses too small! AHHHHH! 

xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

To my dearest child...

To my dearest child...

We tell you the saying when you are young, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." I am here to tell you that may be true when it among classmates but when you talk about your family and the ones you love it will hurt, and it does.

As a mother I may not be perfect, heck I know I am not. But I will always try to do the best for you. I will never put my hands on you in anger and I will protect you when you think you have it all figured out. I know from time to time you may feel you hate me but I will always love you no matter what. The fact that you have told people that I do not love you, that I hit you, and that you hate me makes me sick to my stomach and breaks my heart. If you were to tell the wrong person those things who do not know me my whole world could come crashing down.

In life we all hear that those "little white lies" aren't always a bad thing...but lies are lies and they start small and grow bigger and bigger. Then you have to keep up with them and in the end they will and do catch up with you. Why would you lie about where you were born and the circumstances surrounding it? I am sorry you will never meet your real father. But at the same time he is a horrible person who was horrible to me. You had someone that loved being your dad but  you had to tell lies to push him away too.The day you were born, in FLORIDA, in 1999, was the best day of my life. I feel in that moment you saved my life. Now I am asking myself, is it my turn to save yours? 

Love the family and friends that you have. Don't make up people who don't exist. Don't use your friends to go see a boy. You never know how long you will have someone around. I wonder if your Grandma was here right now...What would she say to you?

On to the subject of boys...I could go on for days! If you truly love the one you say you do, don't lie to him. Come clean. I feel sorry for him because he doesn't know the real you. The ones you sneak out with, you know hopping out your window. Those are boys who don't care about you at all. If they did, they wouldn't ask you to do it. If you respected me, you wouldn't do it. 

I have always let you. be you. I have never judged you. I let you wear what you want, listen to your music, wear fake piercings, I even colored your hair red! I have been the "cool mom" but to everyone else you made me out to be some monster who doesn't love you. So I guess being the "cool mom" is out the window now and I have to re-evaluate the decisions I am making for you as your mother.

So now what do I do? All the trust is completely gone. I have never been so disappointed. You are this beautiful, smart, loving, gifted child. Where has she gone? I miss you so much. You have been my princess, my angel, my bug and you always will be. But now I have to figure out how to get you back on the right path before you lose your way even more. 

Love Always and Forever,

Mom

 
 

A little rambling...

Hey Chics! So I know that I haven't been blogging and maybe I should be because I have just not been in the best place emotionally. My eating has gone to hell, I sit in my pj's all day long watching T.V. and playing with Cole, and housework I could care less about.I have just been letting it all go, including myself. So yea, I guess you could say that I am pretty damn depressed!

We found out about a week ago that the home we have been renting is being foreclosed on that just sucks. No I have not been happy with the space in the house but I though that I would have more time to find exactly what we needed and once again we got thrown into finding something that will work. And we did. The house is bigger but the land is smaller and I can see my neighbors. I just have an uneasy feeling about the whole thing. We move in on the 10th of next month and if in the end we love the place then we can buy it. I don't know it might just be my anxiety talking and I really hope that is all it is. So I am about to start packing all over again! I am so damn sick of packing! I want to buy a house! I feel bad I have to keep moving my kids from home to home. So my goal is by the time I am 35 we WILL own our own home. 


So my eating sucks. Yup I said it! Why can't I get it in gear! I hate looking like this, feeling like this, but why can't I snap out of it! Am I really that addicted? I feel like it. I know it is all in my head but I just don't know how to snap out of it and get it in gear. If I don't I'm never gonna get in my wedding dresses! Cause I don't right now. Oh and yes I have 2 dresses and I know that was suppose to be my next post but I will write about it next time.


I think I am just stuck right now. Sometimes I feel like I am losing myself again. Like today I went with the girls to get our nails done for my sisters wedding on Sunday. I truly forgot how much I liked doing that. Taking time out for me is something I just don't do. I need to. I almost feel bad for wanting to take time out for me but I am just seeing that I need to. I want to feel pretty and yup sometimes doing something as small as that makes me feel pretty. I use to feel so good about myself and now it has all just gone away. I want to not feel so self conscious and it is just getting worse. 


Ok I am done for the night. It is time for bed!


xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

Tight Fittin Jeans!...

Hey there chics! I am so happy today! Happier than a pig in mid kinda happy! This working out is paying off rather well I must say! Oh, and Happy Belated Valentine's Day! I hope everyone had a great one! I know that I did. But I am going to write about that tomorrow because that is just meant for a totally different blog!

Ok, so here it is! I am down another size! I haven't done laundry in a few days. Moms, you know how that is. You think to yourself...self, you can do the laundry tomorrow and then you look the next day and there is 20 loads to do. So anyway, I went to the back of the closet, you know the place all the clothes hide that you wish you could get into. So there they are a pair of my Wranglers, size 11/12. I think the last time I could get into them was a couple months before I found out I was pregnant. I said "what the hell" and decided to give them a try. So I started putting them on and up the thighs they went! Holy cow! I got them to my wait and just waited a second because I figured that I got them this far and now I would have to wait another 5 more lbs. Then I buttoned them! No squats of laying on the bed to suck it in required! Talk about the best feeling in the world! Now I will not say they fir perfectly, there is a small muffin top going on but I am so proud of this progress.

With that short story being said, this is why I do not just go by what the scale says. That is an overall number. Your scale doesn't tell you what part of you is getting smaller. But your clothes do and let me tell you fitting in something you never thought you would get into again is way better than a number on a scale!

Has anyone made one of those charts and put in on their fridge? If so have you gotten to check off some boxes? I have gotten to check a total of 3 off so far and when I hit a total of ten then mama is getting a jean skirt! 

See you tomorrow when I talk about my Valentines Day!

xoxoxo,
Kelly

Checking Those Boxes Off!

Hey Chics! I got to check off another box! Oh now wait...I mean I got to check off another 2 boxes! I am so happy and it feels so good to step on the scale and then run to my chart and check off a box! I feel like I am getting to my goal! It really is obtainable! Even in the craziest of times!


So yesterday we got the news from the land lords that our house will be foreclosed on. It isn't happening right this second but it is very real and we have to find a new house. So now I have focused all of my time and energy into that. It is frustrating! So far what we need is going to be about $1400! That is $600 more than we are paying now. I just need to take a deep breath and remind myself that it all works out in the end. Right mom? :)


So, tomorrow is Valentine's Day! Woo Hoo! It is going to be another day with a little something special for John and the kids. Then I also have to take one of my kids to a counselor for the first time tomorrow. I went to one when I was a little older than she is now. She is worried about talking to a stranger and I had to tell her that it is way easier to talk to a stranger!


Well I really hate to cut this short but I am not feeling to hot tonight!


xoxoxo,
Kelly

My Best Friend...

Hey Chics! I thought that I had a post ready to post tonight but then it looks like it has been taken over by a lot of emotion all of a sudden. So as everyone has already heard Whitney Houston has passed away. She is too young and it was way to soon. I remember listening to her all through school. One of my friends posted a song of hers tonight on their facebook page and it was "I Will Always Love You." I am sure everyone else is familiar with the song and if not look it up because it is great. So that must mean I listened to it, right? No chance in hell! I didn't even have to listen to it. Just the thought of that song brings me back to a time I would rather forget but yet I can replay it in my mind like it was yesterday. It was my best friends funeral. Once again a life that was lost way too soon. 

There will always be some losses in life that you can never get over. You think you have put them to rest and then the smallest thing will bring them right back in front of your face. Like yesterday, I was looking on Ebay for some brooches for my bouquet for the wedding. It still pains me to know she won't be there. This is the girl that I always talked about being in each others wedding and having kids at the same time and what we would name them. All of a sudden I come to this rose that looks exactly like a glass rose I gave her a long time ago. I ended up with the rose she had but it is broken. So when I saw this brooch it all came back to me and now I am of course trying to win it. There isn't a day that goes by that I still don't think about her. Almost 20 years later and I can remember it like it was yesterday. And although I know she is always looking down on me and I am sure wanting to smack me around (a lot). 


Ok now onto a much happier subject! I FINALLY got to check my 1st box off on my chart this morning! Woo Hoo! That is the best feeling in the world! Now that I have figured out how to get the exercising done it is time for the eating. This for me will be the hardest part! But I can do it! 


Tomorrow I am going to go and get some chicken that I can cook for myself at night so I am eating what I should eat. Oh and I am going to go buy lots and lots of veggies! I love veggies! But I love my potatoes too! 


I am sorry if this post was a little sad but I had to get it out rather than reach for the red velvet cake!


xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

When it Hits Close to Home...

Hey chics! There was no posting yesterday because my life took a turn with my family that I did not think it was going to go. I know that when you are going through your tweens and getting into your teens you will be changing inside as well and there will be rebelling but this is crazy! I will not go into detail about my family when it comes to one specific person. I will however say that we are going to be getting the help we all need. It will start with the person who needs to let the most go 1st and then in the end I want to see us as a family. By the time John and I get married I want us to come together as a family not just a husband and wife. 

I did not exercise last night and I will not be tonight either. It is not because of the schedule at all. Because of the stress for yesterday and today my bp has been extremely high and I have had some mild anxiety attacks and if you have ever had one it can just wipe your body for a day or so. I am trying to get fit but I am also not going to overdue it when I know I am weak. And no, I have still not checked off a damn box! lol 

So, in my last post I said I wanted to talk about something else that has hit close to home. Because of my high blood pressure and the stress I have gone through a lot I know I have stated on here before that I am waiting to just have a stroke. Well a couple of days ago I find out my friend is in the hospital. No they did not have a stroke but it was from blood pressure and chest pains. Someone who I have known for many years and you never think to yourself that it would happen to people and then it does. I will say that it is another thing that just opened my eyes. I am glad they are ok and that is all that matters.

I think that will be it for the night. I have tons more to say but no energy to keep going! 

xoxoxo,
Kelly

 

New Schedule is Great! Now Time to Make Me Happy!

Hey Chics! So this was my first day of trying this new schedule and I must say that I love it! Here is it 8:00 and I am already blogging. Sure I have to straighten the living room before I can exercise but I can't exercise till 9:30 anyway! Laundry is going, kitchen is clean, Cole is laying down with John, and I am still getting things accomplished! 

Now I can say eating was so-so today. If I am home and I see that chart I am good but since I was gone all day I didn't see it and I ate badly. So now I am going to make it the wallpaper to my phone. I am happy to say thought I drank more water than anything! I want to cross off one of those weight boxes off so bad! I was down a 1/2lb this morning so I hope I lose that other 1/2 tonight so I can say bye bye to a box! Who knew a little piece of paper could hold so much power lol.

On to another subject that I was not really talked to much about...until now! The wedding. If you have been hiding under a rock or are new to this post I am getting married in November of this year. Yup, I am the girl who said she would never do it again, doing it again! Go figure. Everything is pretty much going as planned. Only complaints so far is out 75-100 guests has reached 156 invites and even though I know not everyone will show up that is a little scary. Then again my last wedding almost no one came so this will be better. My other complaint is a little harder to talk about but I have to get it out. 

I have a problem with making others happy and not myself and I am scared that I have done it yet again. When I saw myself walking down the aisle again I though that it was going to be in all lace. So I went with my mom, Dakota, and Shae to pick out a wedding dress. There I am trying on all these dresses with all these skinny minis around me and I was getting so upset. Every dress was making me feel like a cupcake. All these little things were trying on the lace dresses I wanted. So after trying on about 10 dresses Dakota and Shae went a picked out one and it was so different I had to try it on. So I did and everyone loved it and so did I...or so I thought. My mom got me the dress because it was discontinued and I was so happy. Now looking back though I am 2nd guessing myself. I am not sure that I loved it because I wanted it or because I was trying to make everyone happy and get out of there so I didn't have to watch one more skinny person try on another dress. I didn't glow or have that moment at all. I never even got to try a lace dress on. Did I settle? Or am I just 2nd guessing myself for no reason? I am so confused! The reason this makes me feel so bad is that #1 my mom helped me pay for my dress and #2 my daughter and future stepdaughter picked it out for me and that made it special too. 

I am not sure what my plan is yet but I am not dismissing the dress at all I want to lose more weight and go from there. I want to see what it looks like once I am thinner and I also will go and try on a lace dress just to either put my mind at ease or know I made the wrong choice. So I figure I will post a pic of me in my dress and you can let me know what you think about it...honestly!

Ok I need to clean now and then off to exercise. Tomorrow I am going to talk about a health scare that hit really close to home.

xoxoxo,
Kelly