To my dearest child...

To my dearest child...

We tell you the saying when you are young, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." I am here to tell you that may be true when it among classmates but when you talk about your family and the ones you love it will hurt, and it does.

As a mother I may not be perfect, heck I know I am not. But I will always try to do the best for you. I will never put my hands on you in anger and I will protect you when you think you have it all figured out. I know from time to time you may feel you hate me but I will always love you no matter what. The fact that you have told people that I do not love you, that I hit you, and that you hate me makes me sick to my stomach and breaks my heart. If you were to tell the wrong person those things who do not know me my whole world could come crashing down.

In life we all hear that those "little white lies" aren't always a bad thing...but lies are lies and they start small and grow bigger and bigger. Then you have to keep up with them and in the end they will and do catch up with you. Why would you lie about where you were born and the circumstances surrounding it? I am sorry you will never meet your real father. But at the same time he is a horrible person who was horrible to me. You had someone that loved being your dad but  you had to tell lies to push him away too.The day you were born, in FLORIDA, in 1999, was the best day of my life. I feel in that moment you saved my life. Now I am asking myself, is it my turn to save yours? 

Love the family and friends that you have. Don't make up people who don't exist. Don't use your friends to go see a boy. You never know how long you will have someone around. I wonder if your Grandma was here right now...What would she say to you?

On to the subject of boys...I could go on for days! If you truly love the one you say you do, don't lie to him. Come clean. I feel sorry for him because he doesn't know the real you. The ones you sneak out with, you know hopping out your window. Those are boys who don't care about you at all. If they did, they wouldn't ask you to do it. If you respected me, you wouldn't do it. 

I have always let you. be you. I have never judged you. I let you wear what you want, listen to your music, wear fake piercings, I even colored your hair red! I have been the "cool mom" but to everyone else you made me out to be some monster who doesn't love you. So I guess being the "cool mom" is out the window now and I have to re-evaluate the decisions I am making for you as your mother.

So now what do I do? All the trust is completely gone. I have never been so disappointed. You are this beautiful, smart, loving, gifted child. Where has she gone? I miss you so much. You have been my princess, my angel, my bug and you always will be. But now I have to figure out how to get you back on the right path before you lose your way even more. 

Love Always and Forever,

Mom