So where do I begin...
Forgive me for not blogging so much anymore but once I had Cole and he still doesn't sleep through the night I just couldn't seem to find a balance between motherhood and the blog. But now thanks to my wonderful boyfriend I have my nights back! So at night I will be working out at home (I am wasting so much money on a gym membership I am never going to use). After working out I will be sitting down and venting to whoever wants to read and listen.
So before I get ahead of myself and tell you what to be expecting in the weeks to come let me give you some insight on what is going on. Lately I have been feeling myself sinking into depression again. I am so happy with my family. I love them all and even though we have ups and downs I know in the end we have a good life. I am loving my relationship. Sure we may butt heads at times but he treats me great and loves me more. So why the depression? I am depressed with me. I am so unhappy with myself and what I have become. I feel so lost sometimes. John can say that this is our business but I am use to running the show and seeing a paycheck with my name on it and it has been hard to just stay home again. But on the same hand I love being a stay at home mom. I think if I could just get over the depression I think I could embrace it the way I use to. I know that one of the reasons I was put here was to be a mom but I know there is something else I should be doing. I just wish I knew what that was.
Right now I just sit on the couch when I am not cleaning. Cole loves to be outside but I love this couch right now. That was one key of knowing I am depressed. I love being on the go and playing with Cole but lately it just isn't in me. It comes in spurts and then I am done. The other is I am not on top of my older kids like I should be. I am very short tempered with them and I just want to be left alone. I feel like such a bad mom. I can't stay feeling like this.
The other reason is I am just not happy with what I see. That was the whole reason for this blog to begin with and I have failed yet again. Another year has gone by and I am still fat and unhealthy. I am still on blood pressure pills and I don't think I should be at this age. I have to say I have a lot more incentive in this coming year and you will have to stay tuned for all of that.
So get ready for next year! I have found a new program I am so excited about! There will be videos and not just written blogs and I will have the website up! Woo Hoo! There will be giveaways, recipes, and reviews along with so many other things! I can't wait. Writing for me has always been a passion and I think this will be a good start in getting back to me! I hope you will stay tuned!
The Best Is Yet To Come!
Kelly!
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