My favorite part from what I read was this...
I believe God made us to crave. Now, before you think this is some sort of cruel joke by God, let me assure you that the object of our craving was never supposed to be food, sex, money, or chasing after significance.
Well now here is the hard part. At one time all the things I craved were the things I was never suppose to crave! I wanted it all! And the more I wanted the less I became. To be honest there was a time in my life I truly didn't know who I had become. I would chalk it up to "living life." Now that I look back I was drowning!
I do not feel I ever craved everything at once. It was more like I would go from one to the next. When one would get old I would go to another. At the end of the day the one I loved the most was food. It was a craving that was comfort, love, forgiveness all wrapped up in to one. Or so I thought. Food was my way to keep emotions in and a happy exterior for the world to see.
Now that I see I need to get back on track I have to learn how to say no. The craving became an addiction. I am stronger than this addiction and now that I had a heart to heart with my hubby for once I know this is something that can controlled.
I feel that I am rambling tonight and maybe even repeating myself. I hope to get back to a more normal life by the weekend when my husband comes home. I have never felt more lost. Actually I take that back. Today I took Cole to my moms and had planned on having him stay the night with her and not having him or his dad with me I just wanted to cry and felt like I couldn't function.
If there is one thing in life I have a need to do it is take care of people. If I do not have someone who needs me I do not feel whole. I am even feeding off of my husband being in the hospital. I am making him broths so he has something other than yucky hospital food and constantly needs me to help him out right now. Cole is 2 and still needs me to do things for him. Although I will be happy when he is potty trained and no longer needs help with the diapers, that is one thing I can let go of. With both of them gone no one needed me! My other 2 children even though I wanted to do everything for them when they were younger are very independent and don't ask for much help.
Needless to say I brought him home but he will stay tomorrow night because the surgery will be over, he will be coming home on Saturday, and for the 1st time in a week I will be able to breathe and I will have some me time. I am going to go buy a new dress, wash the grey out of my hair, and maybe even buy some new make up. Then I am going to write a blog about God and my relationship with him. I think it is the perfect timing. I feel this because the day I bring my husband home from the hospital is the same day we push re-start on our lives. I feel so much lighter already and I haven't lost a pound!
xoxoxo,
Kelly
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