Day 62: My Truths...I have been a horrible friend

So here it is another day of "My Truths" and I will have to say that what I wrote yesterday felt good and I really did feel a little lighter. I see that people are still reading and that makes me feel even better. Thank you for the feedback as well. And thank you Samantha for your words. You are correct, us as women should not be defined by our weight. We are all beautiful women. That meant a lot to see that because there will be a truth that will comment on that. Also, I don't want this to be constantly depressing so I am going to put the good with the bad. I will however always start with the bad so I can see the silver lining by the end of the blog.

Lately I have been a horrible friend. If you ask me to call you, well I won't. If I say I want to get together, we probably won't. If you call me, I doubt I will answer. I want to do all these things but something has just stopped me. And I am sorry for not being there for anyone.

I have been like this for at least a year now really bad. I have become a hermit. I just stay home or with my family. I have gone out with "the girls" once and I loved it! (When is that Wii party Alissa?) I just kept blowing everything off saying that I would call tomorrow and then tomorrow would turn into next week, and then I just never would call. But then this went to far and I wasn't there when I should have been there for a friend I have grown up with and considered her one of my best friends ever since elementary school (even though she beat me in the 3rd grade student elections lol).

A couple months ago she lost someone in her family and I just wasn't there. This is a family that has been in my life forever. I call her parents mom and dad. This is a family who has always been there for me and I didn't return the thoughtfulness and love that they had given to me in the past. There were so many times that I had wanted to call and reach out but what do you say? Death is not something that is easy for me to deal with (I know that it isn't easy for anyone) but I don't know how to grieve. I seem very cold hearted because I show no emotion. When I found out I cried in the room by myself. Since my best friends death over 10 years ago...never mind that is just another truth for tomorrow.

Then I received an email a couple of weeks ago and she was reaching out to me. She said that she needed me and I didn't hesitate to call her right back. We finally were able to talk a couple days later and I know that I wasn't there for her and the beginning but I will not turn my back on her through the healing process or any time after. We need each other. We now have been talking a couple of times a week and once our schedules click I can't wait to spend some time with her.

So know this...If you want to talk,I will call. If you want to meet up...I will be there. Granted I have to work with the kids schedules but I am going to be a better friend. We all need friends in our lives and I am learning that again.

The Silver Lining...After talking with my friend I realized I needed to start blogging again. With what she is going through I told her one way to get closer is to write. So I decided to take some of my own advice and it is working. Plus let's face it, I love to write and I think that I am pretty good at it!

xoxoxo,
Kelly