Day 65: My Truths...I Never Put Myself First

This is going to be my last "My Truths" post for awhile. I think that I have dealt with the things that have been holding me back for so long. I can't say that there aren't other things that I have in the back of my mind but I have never seen them as triggers to eat. If they need to be brought to the table at some point I will though. Since I have been doing this though I feel so much better. I feel lighter just by getting it all out on the table and dealing with it.

So tomorrow I will keep going with the normal blogs of weight loss, my ups and downs, and everything in between. Ok so on with this blog...

I don't know why but I never come first. For some reason I hope that someone will but it just doesn't happen. I know, I know, I should put myself first but I just want someone to put me first as I do them. If my family needs me I drop everything and I am there. I don't complain (to them anyway). I just do it. 

For anyone I am always thinking outside of the box and try to get them everything they want or need. Then I end up saying too many things when asked what I would like and then end up with nothing, just told to go buy myself something. Only problem is if I can;t rationalize spending money on myself I'm not going to do it. I mean right now I have been second guessing the suv because I don;t want to make more bills for the family.

I don't go to the gym because I need to be here for everyone or I have the baby. I try to workout at home but the minute I do I her Cole wake up and I go play with him. I know that he will get older but I need some mommy time!

As I am writing thing I can't help but wonder if I am being selfish? I don't think so but you know what? At the end of the day I don't mind and I will continue to do it because I like helping others, putting them first, and just being there. I would just like a little pick me up every now and then.

The silver lining: There are people I will always put first. My 3 kids that I love to death! As much as I wish I could do a little more for myself I am happy to do everything I can for them.